Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Giallo

Directed by Dario Argento
Starring Adrian Brody,Emmanuelle Seigner,Elsa Pataky


Dario Argento, though not the first to make a giallo, his name is synonymous with the sub genre since the release of his feature film Four Flies on Gray Velvet. But from the look of this it seems Argento has forgotten what a giallo is. Lacking in mystery, an unknown killer's identity and sexual perversions this comes across more like a made for television movie of the week, and this particular week is uneventful.
The writing is sloppy, lazy and on numerous occasions down right preposterous. , Jim Agnew and Sean Keller are credited as writers here.Argento is credited as co - writer.
Linda,(Seigner )a flight attendant is staying over in Torino to visit her beautiful sister Celine,(Pataky) a fashion model. When Celine fails to arrive at her apartment, the awaiting Linda becomes suspicious. Her last source of communication was by cell phone, Celine said she would be there shortly, she was in a taxi.
Taking this information to the police, Linda is told to go to the basement of the station to see inspector Enzo Avolfi ( Brody ). Giving Avolfi the information,he claims this sounds like a case he has been working on. Beautiful young women who are also tourists are terribly mutilated, tortured, killed and left at various places around the city. One such victim who amazingly stays alive long enough to allow Alvofi to record her last words and clue him into the word yellow in Japanese. The ironic thing about Giallo is that the movie isn't a giallo, we know right away who the killer is, we see his face, unlike the traditional giallo where the killer's identity would be explained just before the credits roll.There is also the lack of sexual perversions that are usually associated with the giallo genre, the killer here is happy mutilating beautiful women, due to his ugliness. He feels better towards himself after doing this to their beautiful faces. There are a couple of moments of gore such as lips and a finger  cut off by tin snips, sometimes the camera will linger  while at other times Argento will let us use our imaginations.
The character of Enzo Avolfi lives and works in the basement of the police station , he uses very unorthodox methods,so we are told. Other than chain smoking and mumbling, I didn't see any methods that were different or unorthodox. Surrounding his office/ home with pictures of mutilated victims from his recent case, Avolfi seems at ease here, in a very cliche manner now, a pizza is even delivered.
In flashbacks we see that both the killer and inspector Avolfi have had mother issues. One character is witness to his mother's murder while the other is left abandoned at a Catholic church by his drug dependant, prostitute mother, passing on her Hepatitis C and causing the skin condition of jaundice.
If one was to juxtapose the antagonist and the protagonist,  other similarities would be revealed. Even the casting of Byron Diedra can be seen as a hint. It is an anagram for Adrian Brody.
One example of the writing where I found it to be rather silly was when the character of Enzo Avolfi  knows that the tourists have last been seen alive entering taxi cabs, but when Linda is found following him in a cab, he insists that she get back into the cab and leave so that he can continue with the investigation. Searching for your abducted sister by a crazed killer can make one turn desperate, but I found it absurd how easily Linda had become convinced to co-operate with the killer.
I thought the ending was purely a cop out, again looking like the movie of the week,even the end credits looking very much like a T.V. movie.
My Thoughts: Dario Argento has given us his fair share of cinematic greatness, unfortunately in the last couple of years, I have been a little disappointed in what he has to offer. But he is still the one that brought us Suspiria, so I will continue to watch whatever he may capture on camera.
My Rating:  2 Go Go Girls out of  5

Monday, November 29, 2010

Colin





For anyone who has ever wondered, thought or perhaps even dreamed what it would be like to die and return as a member of the undead, this movie is for you. Colin is an extraordinary feat in the world of micro budget film making. Not only wrapping the film up with a 75 pound budget ( it was filmed in England ) as director Marc Price has claimed,but bringing us a zombie film structured like no other I have seen .Very cleverly done and well executed, Colin is disturbingly realistic with it's outlook of a young man's deterioration of both his body and soul.


Without an establishment shot, the film begins with a door opening , an injured young man enters. Placing the weapon of choice, a hammer down to attend to the wound on his arm.Like an episode of C.S.I. we see the the inner workings of Colin's blood cells as they are transforming? As this isn't enough he is then attacked by a zombie in the safety of his own kitchen. Reaching for the utensil drawer for some kind of a weapon , Colin pulls out a wooden spoon and raps the zombie over the head with it until the spoon breaks. Finding a knife, he stabs the zombie's head repeatedly, this little scene reminded me of the famous shower scene from Psycho with it's quick editing techniques not nearly as complicated of course but very well done.


Colin's transformation into the undead is handled with the use of strange camera angles and effects such as camera tilts and shots from behind glass objects. Sound is also used to great effect, much of it reminded me of man made noises not unlike that of Alan Splet's work in David Lynch's Eraserhead. Making his way outside, shuffling through the city streets, we can see that the undead have taken over most of the streets. One impressive special effect is shown as a man trying to escape the zombies through an open window, is pulled back in by a horde of of the undead, bending his legs in the most unnatural of ways. At one time Colin stops to to pick up a child's building blocks, an oversize lego, they fall from his hand, losing the motor skills he once had acquired but have now lost. One block falls into a sewer grate, like his life , it too is falling apart and literally going to Hell.


We experience the sights and sounds of one person's journey from life to death to the undead. We see Colin's first taste of flesh, as he rips into an injured man's ear and pulls the man's MP3 player out along with it. Colin looks puzzled as he seems to recognize the music he is hearing. Another time Colin is confused staring at a traffic sign, he recognizes the shape and symbol but at the same time looking very alien to him.


There is a very impressive and prolonged set piece, a group of people are under attack from the undead. It has a very realistic feel to it as there are no real weapons at hand, house hold items are the weapons being used here. Pots and pans,a cordless drill, and umbrellas are all used to create some unique splatter effects, again impressive for such a minuscule budget.This created a very claustrophobic situation and one that I can aspire in a zombie apocalyptic film.


Colin now being a zombie, has been targeted numerous times by a dwindling population of humans. One such time he was even abducted, a potato sack like bag placed over his head, another effective use of the camera was to show Colin's P.O.V. ( point of view ) the camera inside the sack with Colin. Tat, Colin's sister and friends have captured and tied Colin up in hopes of jarring his memory. Showing family pictures only brings animal growls and snarls from the undead sibling's mouth, Colin has become very animalistic. Finally his mother and sister realize that he is not coming back. In a very emotional and somber scene Tat ,a friend and mother are seen arguing, probably about Colin's fate, as he is locked inside stroking the window pane where his family stands on the other side of the glass. The emotional strings are tugged on us again as Colin's mother is shown covering the windows with newspapers, headlines of zombie outbreaks ETC.. are shown. Shutting his little contact with the outside world completely off now.


Escaping from his Mother's house, Colin soon finds the humans have now banded together to take control of the streets and the escalating zombie population. In a battle of survival, which resembles more of a street rumble with pipes, wrenches and sling shots being the weapon of choices. In a twist of irony, Colin is bashed to the head with a hammer( his weapon of choice )and is seen falling to the ground. A chaotic and powerful scene follows. The surviving humans must draw straws and the losers must round up the newly infected, they are then cornered and put to death by bludgeoning, a cruel twist of fate.
Colin who is still with us rises to his feet, looking a little worse for wear thanks to some decent make up effects courtesy of Michelle Webb.Stumbling back to the place where this terrible fate has taken place.
This is an extraordinary little film regardless of the budget.With it's innovative ideas and editing techniques used to give the film a more impressive budget. A realistic look is acheived by having actors  with previous experience mixed in with those actors with none.This is very cleverly done and well executed,but because of the camera's closeness it sometimes feels too tight and difficullt to comprehend the confusion caused by physical confrontations.
My Thoughts: This is the first that I have heard the name of Marc Price, but willing to bet it won't be the last. This young fella will certainly be making big budget features one day. The very least , he will be using his fine talents for editing.
My Rating; 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Walking Dead ( Week 4 )







Another fantastic episode , I'm beginning to have more respect for that hill billy red neck Merle and he wasn't even seen in this episode. The man cuts his hand off with a hack saw, cauterizes the wound and steals his would be rescuers truck and killing zombies along the way.
It now looks like the show is it's own entity and entering other story lines not seen in the comic book. So far I'm O.K. with the changes, I still have Kirkman's books and a new television series to enjoy.
Shane looks to have settled down from his beating to poor old Ed, even displaying a little compassion to Jim after having to restrain the man from hurting himself, digging all those holes like that. Speaking of Jim, what's up with him ? Is he now psychic ?
I enjoyed the confrontation between Rick and his group with that of the street gang, I totally wasn't expecting the reasons for the hostility from the gang.
The zombie attack happened quickly and from out of nowhere, the consequences were horrific and surprising, like the book , you can never be sure who will be next.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Zone of the Dead



Directed by Milan Konjovic' and Milan Todorovic'
Starring Ken Foree,Kristina Klebe, Emilio Roso,Miodrag Krstovic,Vukota Brajovic,Steve Agnew


In the last year or so there has been a splurgence of films making their way here from Serbia. Some of these films have caused controversy at film festivals and screenings, one film in particular A Serbian Film may even become banned in certain countries. It's real to life violence and horror representing the atrocities that have taken place in their country since the breakdown of Yugoslavia. Zone of the Dead is not one of these films, although it has been financed and supported by the Republic of Serbia, it has it's own atrocities to deal with such as bad dubbing, terrible translation and some mediocre acting.



The film's opening scene starts with a police detective and a coroner investigating four skeletal remains at a construction site and are only partial decomposed after 300 years. The bodies are covered with Lyme indicating they have died from the plague. A worker has cut himself on one of the skeleton's bones and has since died. The worker rises from the dead attacks the pair . The opening scene does nothing to advance the plot, we never see these characters again.



At a train station, we have an old man trying to phone his wife after he has missed his train, a station manager and a skinny ass kid of a police officer, or peace keeper I'm not quite sure. Enter three obnoxious assholes wearing military garb, NATO is performing military exercises throughout the country. The three soldiers are harassing the young officer, removing his gun from it's holster, a struggle per sues and the handgun accidentally fires into a tankard full of Toxic chemical from a train that arrived just moments before. A greenish colour gas escapes. I hate to be a nit picker, BUT I find it hard to believe that a tankard carrying such a dangerous chemical could be released with a single bullet from a handgun. Wouldn't you think the tankard containing the Toxic gas be reinforced with a metal of superior strength. Yeah I know sometimes we have to suspend our dis beliefs and not think about gaping plot holes, but I really don't like it when writers take advantage of their audiences. These characters all perish to the Toxic gas except for the old man who has managed to don a gas mask located in the station house.


We are introduced To Reyes ( Foree ), I'm guessing from the boxes packed in his small apartment, the picture of the pretty blond and Reyes popping pills and drinking vodka that we are supposed to feel sympathy for him. How can we , we don't even know this person or given a chance to feel connected to him or any of the other characters in the film. Now working with INTERPOL his partner Dragan ( Krstovic ) pulls him away from his apartment for one more mission.


It's Agent Mina Milius (Klebe) first field assignment, along with Reyes, Dragan and three other agents to escort a prisoner to Belgrade where the prisoner will then fly to London. On route the armoured vehicle transporting the prisoner and the truck with the agents run into trouble in the region of Pancevo, where the deadly gas has escaped from the tankard. The surviving agents must now form a truce with the prisoner if they are to survive the growing horde of the undead. Making their way to an abandoned police station, which also quickly becomes surrounded by the zombies. Is this a homage to John Carpenter's Assault on precinct 13 ?


The zombie make up effects by Miroslav Lakobrija look impressive enough I think, sometimes it is really too difficult to tell with most scenes being under lit and the use of jump editing during attacks giving the picture that jerky look which I find has been done to death in the zombie genre. My favorite zombie has to be the well endowed woman wearing nothing but an untied bath robe and a towel in her hair.


As all of this is going on, a young man having been locked up in a church and now free has been anticipating this moment all of his life and is prepared for Armageddon. He has enough weapons for a small army, and he is going to use them.

Along with the wooden and stilted acting, the dubbing is off target and I'm hoping for the sake of the screen play writer that the dialogue has been lost in translation because most of it is ambiguous and an incoherent mess.

In another homage, this time to George Romero's Dawn of the Dead, the survivors are debating where to go next, someone suggests a shopping mall. Foree's character replies " it would be too hard to secure, and believe me , they would get in anyway. Ken Foree portrayed Peter in the original 1978 version, a trooper whom with a small group tried to make a shopping mall their sanctuary.
My Thoughts: Watch Night of the Living dead again.
My Rating: 2 Go Go Girls out of 5

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Walking Dead ( week 3 )





Another fantastic week, I can't believe we are at the half way point of it's already short season of six episodes. Thankfully for us it has become a big hit and has been signed on for another season, Hallelujah for the T.V. gods. What a powerful emotional beginning to last night's episode, I could feel my eyes being slowly lubricated from some alien fluid that some how found it's way into my eye sockets, it takes a powerful moment from a television show to make this happen. But when Rick exited the truck and little Carl And Lori turned their heads up to see him, and that music by Bear McCreary you could actually feel how ecstatic they both were with his appearance. At the same time you can see Shane's little fantasy world come collapsing down around him.With Rick's arrival it's becoming an emotional battlefield out there. We are starting to see how much of an asshole Shane really is, telling Lori that Rick was dead, but man did she put him in his place, letting him know he is off limits to her family. Shane didn't take this so well, and took out his frustrations on poor Ed,beating the piss out of him after treating the women disrespectful. As I was watching Shane punch Ed in the face several times with no sign of letting up, I couldn't help but think Shane was wishing it was the face of Rick's he was beating to a pulp. And Rick thanking Shane for taking care of his family , is he really that nice ? or that naive ? I'm guessing, that nice, especially wanting to go back to rescue that red neck prick Merle. Considering the circumstances with a city full of undead citizens, a wife and child he has just reunited with, why bother?


Any how things are getting even more interesting with the small rescue team including Merle's brother Darryl reaching the roof top where Merle had been left hand cuffed, finds the roof empty except for a dangling pair of cuffs, a hack saw and a hand. Merle will not be taking this lightly, and I'm guessing will want to avenge his abandonment.


What says you?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

King of the Ants





Directed by Stuart Gordon
Starring Chris McKenna, Kari Wuhrer, George Wendt, Vernon Wells,Lionel mark Smith, Timm Sharp and Daniel Baldwin
Remember how friendly and likable George Wendt was as Norm Peterson in the sitcom Cheers? Well be prepared to loathe him in this film. He truly is a despicable mean son of a bitch, a character you will grow to hate. This role of Duke Wayne and the one he played in The Masters of Horror episode " Family "proves his acting chops, especially in the horror genre. The movie House also benefited greatly with his presence.
Stuart Gordon gives us his scary, surreal look at average shmoe Sean Crawley (McKenna ) when he becomes involved with shady land developer Ray Matthews (Baldwin ) and his small posse of henchmen ( Wendt,Wells and Smith ). When the Jack of all trades, Sean is hired to follow an accountant who is occupied at City Hall, things turn sour for Sean when he agrees to try his hand at being a hit man and retrieving a wanted document. After Matthews reneges on his payment, Sean blackmails the wanna be Kingpin with the wanted document that he has hidden.
Believing killing Sean will lead the police back to them and possibly the murdered accountant, the mobsters decide to fuck Sean up literally. Sean is abducted and held hostage where he is tied to a chair and is hit upside the head daily. You will not look at a golf club the same way after witnessing this cringe inducing display of cruelty. In between Sean's daily tee off time, he is slowly beginning to lose a grip on reality,hallucinating some surreal images as his mind unfolds to reveal an unsettling, disturbing breakdown as only Director Gordon can deliver. Stuart Gordon is most noted for bringing the characters and creatures of H.P. Lovecraft to life. He gave us Jeffery Combs as Herbert West- Re animator, From Beyond,and Dagon which he has adapted from Lovecraft's short story Shadows over Innsmouth and the Masters of Horror episode " Dreams from the Witch House".Dennis Paoli adapts Lovecraft's stories and in my humble opinion is the only one capable to do so. Gordon and Paoli have worked on many other projects in the past.
With the help of a friend Sean finally manages to escape from his cruel and unusual punishment, and makes his way to a mission where the murdered accountant's wife ( Wuhrer ) volunteers . Things get interesting, when the newly widowed woman takes Sean in as her house guest.McKenna who portrays Sean is excellent, his character begins likable enough, taking on odd but honest jobs to make a living. Sean is a little off kilter , but the creep factor is on high alert after his head injuries are healed. Is this from the traumatic blows to the head, the inner Sean escaping ? Or is it metamorphosis ? Escaping from that shack , could be compared to exiting a cocoon.
The character of Ray Matthews is a pitiful excuse for a human being, and one who believes he is entitled to what and who he pleases. Matthews is the kind of person who has snapped the neck of an ankle biting dog because it's yapping had caused him coitus interuptus with a young woman he was trying to conquer. I'm not sure how he would take this , but Daniel Baldwin was made for this role. Kari Wuhrer's character of Susan is the only person who deserves any type of sympathy but she too is an emotional little fire cracker waiting to go off.
My Thoughts: This is a post modern horror film with compelling images, that will linger with you substantially after pushing that eject button and snapping the disc's keep case closed.
My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye


Directed by Antonio Margheriti, Starring Jane Birkin,Hiram Keller,Francoise Christophe,Venantino Venantini,Doris Kuntsmann.

Man, I had a tough go with this one. Sure it looks good with it's Gothic style setting of a castle complete with damp basements and secret passage ways that open up behind stone walls. Young women running through long corridors in their nighties, rats devouring the flesh from forgotten bodies tossed to the cellar. An ape even puts in an appearance to wreak havoc on the castle grounds.All of this does not make an exciting story, and takes quite some time to get where it is going and in my opinion not worth making the trip. You would think death by nasty slashes to the throat, a mysterious cat which is always present during the killings and a family curse involving vampires could hold my attention. Hypnotically stylish, maybe too much for it's own good, this is a sophisticated horror film and those looking for a film with plenty of body counts and clever methods of doing the victims in are advised to look elsewhere.This killer's M.O. is the slashing of the throat.Of course a movie where the potential victims and killer are all situated at the same location creates many red herrings and this picture is no different.

A young woman Corringa ( Birkan ) arrives at her aunt's Scottish castle to find members of her family being killed off one at a time, a la Agatha Christie's Ten little Indians. I found most of Corringa's family to be pretentious, but her cousin Lord James MacGrieff (Keller ) is also an obnoxious rude, spoiled brat who, when first introduced ,clears the table of his mother's dinner guests with his blatant insults. Lord James MacGrieff is a strange bird who happens to keep an orangutan caged in his bedroom.

There is a little bit of kinkiness going on, including a bi-sexual slut and an incestuous relations, but that darn pacing did me in. Slowwww going.In my opinion a better film by director Antonio Margheriti is Danza macabra ( 1964 ) also known as Castle of Blood starring the impressive Barbara Steele and filmed in a sombre black and white medium.

My Thoughts: I wished the story elaborated more with the family curse, and the dead family members did return as vampires. As it is ,it's just another case for Scotland Yard.

My Rating: 2 Go Go Girls out of 5

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Walking Dead ( Episode 2 )


So far so good, Darabont and company are batting two for two. I'm really enjoying the way the story is unfolding, catching a little glimpse of the members of the caravan and some of the new characters introduced. Having read some of the trade paperbacks I am getting a little anxious to jump in with both feet. But from the look of this episode , it could very well be a slow cooker before the whole kitchen goes up in flames. The characters are fleshed out a lot more, Glenn is even more good natured and easy going than the book shows. Shane is , well Shane is Shane. Pausing his little rendezvous with Lori until she removed the locket from her neck, and then he turned her over anyways.
I found most of the ideas from the book are being incorporated into the series, just not following a chronological order, I'm not complaining, it's familiar but at the same time new.Chopping a walker into little pieces by an axe, Rick and Glenn smear flesh and guts onto themselves to cover their own scent of being alive.Trying to make their way to a construction site for a vehicle.The book shows the two already having been back at the camp, then making the trip back to the city for guns and ammo using the same olfactory disguise.
Michael Rooker's character, I believe it's Merle, he is quite the red neck and will make an interesting addition to an already excellent ensemble. Rooker is the type of actor who takes on characters which are usually uneducated and a low life scumbag of some sort.So far this character is not an exception.
It was nice to see Glenn speeding along the empty freeway, finally releasing some unpleasant emotions, he no doubt has built up since the zombie apocalypse.
What are your thoughts? Let us know.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The New York Ripper


Directed by Lucio Fulci
You're going to want to take a shower after watching this slice of cinematic sleaze. Every main character introduced has some strange sexual hang up that would keep a dozen psychiatrists working around the clock busy for a year.
At the harbour an old man is throwing a stick for his dog to fetch, one toss lands the stick into some bushes. The dog exits the bushes carrying the severed hand of a female victim. Elsewhere the Staten Island ferry is making it's way back to the island, among the blaring horns of the ship a woman is sliced and eviscerated by an unseen assailant.Jane a sophisticated, well dressed woman is sitting in the front row of a live sex show secretly tape recording the performance for her husband. A sleazy looking man who is missing the ring and pinky fingers of his right hand sits himself several chairs down from Jane.As the two performers show is coming to a climax, Jane is beginning to get into the act,(if you know what I mean ) a solo performance of her own. The once occupied seat down from her is now sitting empty. The female performer goes back to her dressing room, in it's blackness she discovers by broken glass in her bare feet that the bulb has been smashed.Hearing a noise from behind a curtained closet she approaches only to have her privates mutilated by a broken bottle.This movie is sprinkled with lots of the sleaze factor through out, again the nicely dressed Jane borrows the Porshe and drives out to 42nd street area. Sitting in a pool hall, she is quickly noticed by two Hispanics who make a bet with each other regarding if she is wearing panties or not. Slipping his bare foot out from his shoe and between her legs" Morales has silver toes " he says. A minute or two later he owes his friend Chico a beer. Jane enjoys putting herself in danger , she meets the three finger man at a hotel for a little bout of S& M. Is this the man that has been taunting the police and particularly Inspector Williams with phone calls and quacking like a duck. Yes folks you read that right, this killer sounds like Donald Duck on quack, I mean crack. Like I said before every main character has some sort of hang up with sex, even our protagonist Inspector Williams. He sleeps with a prostitute but they act like an old married couple.Eventually Inspector Williams teams up with Paul, a psychologist to help with the capture of the sex killer. Turns out Paul likes to buy magazines with naked men in the pages.When a phone call from the quacking killer leads Inspector Williams on a wild duck chase , oops I mean a wild goose chase, Williams learns that the killer is at his prostitute, Kitty's apartment.This scene is no doubt the one that is talked most often when the conversation turns to The New York Ripper. The killer has Kitty tied to her bed, sweeping a razor blade over her body, finally resting the blade on her forehead. Pressing the blade into the flesh, and pulling it down across her eyeball. Next we see the blade divide an erect nipple, in extreme close up. Fulci has been labeled a woman hater in the past, and this film is not going to help matters with his label as a misogynist. Earlier films of Fulci's such as The Beyond, The Gates of Hell and Zombie we have seen a young girl's head on the wrong side of a shot gun blast. A woman puking up her intestines and yet another woman having her eyeball impaled onto a nine inch splinter of wood. But Ripper is Fulci at his nastiest with it's various sex crimes, the slicing and dicing of women and the pscychological themes of insanity. This is in our world, this could be real, sometimes it is real. There are no zombies here or hotels built over a gate to Hell,making this film more realistic. With it's red herrings, whodunit murder mystery and themes of insanity The New York Ripper comes across very much like a giallo. Many years ago In Italy pulp novels were published, these books contained stories of murder, mystery and sex. The books themselves were binded between bright yellow covers.Giallo means yellow in Italian. Soon these books were made into low budget films. Dario Argento being credited as one of the first directors to work with this sub genre.
I found this film's pacing a little slow, most giallos are. The tone, ugly, most scenes taking place on 42nd street or Times square. Today these areas are clean and respectable places but back in the days, scum bags, druggies and low lifes wandered these streets night and day. The overall atmosphere comes across very gritty and grungey looking,with endless scenes of Adult movie houses, peek shows and live sex performances being offered. I thought the killer's identity was not a strong point in this picture,I felt the motive behind the killings were rather weak as well. The reasoning behind the duck like voice is actually absurd.
My Thoughts: This is by no means Fulci's best work, The Beyond IMHO is the one that does it for me. Check out Fulci's Don't Torture a Duckling for an earlier try at a murder mystery.The cover states that it is The Most Controversial Horror Film Ever Made! Sorry but I'll have to disagree.
My Rating:2.5 Go Go Girls out of 5 Sure , there's lots of skin to look at, but it all ends up mutilated.

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstien Girl

Directed by Yoshihiro Nishmura and Naoyuki Tomomatsu
It's Valentine's day at Tokyo High school and all the girls are in anticipation of having a cute boy accept their sweets, one boy in particular, Jugon.When the chocolates are confiscated by one of the teachers, Keiko the most popular girl screams for her daddy the vice principal.Even the vice principle can't convince the teacher to return the sweets.Monami the new transfer student that nobody notices has managed to keep her sweet from the pile of confiscated chocolates.She manages to get Jugon to accept her piece of chocolate, the inside filled with Monami's blood. Monami is a vampire and happy to see Jugon's body not rejecting her blood, soon she will turn him into a full fledged vampire. This little showing of affection has stirred up the waters between Monami and Keiko.Mean while students at Tokyo High are going missing, Mr. Furano the vice principal , Keiko 's father secretly experiments on the missing students. He believes he is the successor to Dr. Frankenstein. Wearing kabuki make up, the bat shit crazy vice principal and the sexy head nurse undertake some bizarre experiments in the basement of the school.After finding a droplet of Monami's blood, the white faced mad scientist believes he has found the missing ingredient to bring life to his creations. Add to this a wrist cutter's club who hold rallies and competitions, members who don't go anywhere without their handy dandy carpet knives.How about the super dark club, a group of Japanese girls who wish they were black and have had their skin darkened. Some members sporting Afros, and one going as far as to having a wooden disc implanted into her bottom lip.When Keiko is accidentally killed during a jealous rage over Jugon, her father takes the lifeless body to the basement laboratory.Soon the battle between vampire girl and Frankenstein girl will commence.
Take Universal Pictures favorite monsters add some sexy Japanese schoolgirls, a dash of sake and throw them in a blender and you might have something like Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. This movie isn't for everyone, but if you have seen movies like Tokyo Gore Police or Machine Girl you know what kind of crazy ass hyper kinetic, horror schlock to expect.This is a movie where you can check your brain at the door, just make sure to keep your rain coat nearby.This sucker just doesn't rain but pours an onslaught of an arterial geyser.Saturating everyone and everything in a never ending stream of blood and viscera. This is one roller coaster ride of a movie you won't forget whether you like it or not, a gut wrenching, ass clenching display of some of the sickest and slickest special effects.
VG vs. FG amps it up, amps it up big time. Everything is taken to the nth degree and then some, but I'm sad to say that after all the crazy ass things the directors have chosen to show us, this final battle is a bit of a let down. From the ending, it is quite obvious the film makers are a big fan of Let the Right One In, but who isn't?
My Thoughts:This is pure eye candy for anyone who enjoys cinematic splatter from the twisted minds of Japanese film makers. Any film that opens with a song called Pinky Love has my attention.
My Rating: 3.5 Go Go Girls out of 5

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The walking Dead




WOW. This show totally exceeded my expectations. I was blown away by the adaptation of Robert Kirkman's comic book series. For long term readers of the book, they must be pleased of this adaptation the film makers have chosen, sticking very close to the original storyline. But having said that, it's nice to see some of the characters and situations elaborated or expanded on. Kirkman,with the help of his illustrators has done an excellent job bringing a wide variety of emotions to the written page, but seeing his characters fleshed out by a talented cast, brings it even more closer to home. Such as little Duane, crying into a pillow after seeing his zombified mother amid the undead. Duane's father staring through a scope of a rifle, his wife in his sight , but struggling to pull the trigger as Rick is seen making his way back across the park. Back to the place where he had encountered his first undead, a living torso dragging herself across the grass. Kneeling beside the legless undead he appologizes for what has happened to this creature before he fires a bullet into it's head. A very touching moment.


Although we still haven't learned the cause of the zombie outbreak at this point,( does it even matter ? )we do see the incident that put our hero Rick into the hospital. The book just hints at it and the film makers have turned it into quite the spectacular set piece with it's car stunts and elaborate gun play.The zombie make up by Greg Nicotero is in my opinion the best I have seen since Tom Savini's work in The Day of the Dead. Director Frank Darabont doesn't shy away from the red stuff, which I have to commend him for , especially on national television. The look of the picture is brilliant, and could easily pass as a theatrical production. I'm anxiously awaiting the Blu-Ray release of this sucker.

What do you think? Let us know.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Survival of the Dead


Directed By George A. Romero
Starring Alan Van Sprang, Eric Wolfe, Kenneth Welsh,Richard Fitzpatrick, Stefano Di Matteo, DevonBostick, Athena,Karkanis

Whether he means to or not , George Romero's living dead films make comments on social and political issues of the times. In Night of the living Dead, Ben played by actor Duane Jones is the only black character. And the only one to survive the night of an attack by the undead upon an old farm house.He makes it through to the morning, only to have a bullet enter his skull from the rifle of some red neck, trigger happy country bumpkin. Ben could have been mistaken for one of the undead, or merely shot at because his skin was black. This is 1968, segregation is still in the minds of most Americans, especially the southern states. Ben's body is dragged from the farm house and thrown onto a pyre to burn, reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan? Referred in the film NOTLD how a satellite probe of Venus may have become radio active and raised the dead upon it's return to Earth. Many people were against the space race and the exploration of space, believing we have no right to be there.NOTLD could also be taken as a metaphor of the war in Vietnam.Dawn of the Dead, zombies can't think,they just do what zombies do.Then why do thousands of the undead congregate at the local mall ? We live in a disposable society, after something is used it is thrown away for something newer, bigger or more improved. Like it or not, most of us are materialistic, we like to buy and have things. Things that can be had from the mall. Zombies are the ultimate consumer, they consume themselves. In Romero's film The Day of the Dead there is a break down of the government's infrastructure and a lack of science/ medicine to combat epidemic diseases, there is also the conflict between science and the military. I won't be discussing Land of the Dead or Diary of the Dead here . Basically I feel the first three of Romero's Living Dead films are his best and the latter two failed to sugar coat my sweet tooth for a zombie fixin'. Which brings us up to date for Romero's latest zombie offering Survival of the Dead. We see a disgruntled looking member of the military sitting, smoking a cigarette. Sarge as he will come to be known is going through in his head the statistics of how many people there are in the world, how many have died and how many will rise again to infect others. This is accomplished with a voice over.He is pissed off , he and other members of the National Guard have just returned from a hell hole of a mission and his best friend DJ has been killed. Sarge and a small group of guards go AWOL, they become thieves, but stealing only what they need. Sarge has an us versus them attitude, and he is looking for a place with no them. Heading north in an armoured truck, a broadcast is picked up on a computer laptop offering sanctuary on Plum Island,the group redirects the wheeled fortress towards the small island. After some gun play at the harbour our protagonists finally board a ferry with their vehicle. Making their way to Plum Island, Patrick O' Flynn is discovered as a Stowe away . O' Flynn was exiled from the island when he and his posse took it upon themselves to kill the undead or anyone who had become infected from a zombie. Seamus Muldoon who had forced the exile of O'Flynn, Muldoon believes the zombies can be cured, given time. He keeps the infected alive, some in their natural habitat, others corralled at his ranch like cattle. This difference in the two brought the two families to war. Could this be another social comment being implied by the director Romero ? Two parties at war with each other, and a third party , foreign, introduced to the war in progress. This sounds very similar to the U. S . military involvement in the middle east. As the two families go to battle, I thought it was interesting how Romero staged the gun play to look like a western, men hiding in wooden barrels, and on roofs. The only thing missing was the swinging doors of a saloon. Finally during the gun play, a barn full of dead heads are released and some zombie mayhem ensues thanks to the special effects make up by Francois Dagenais. Tom Savini can still sleep soundly knowing his reputation of make up artist extrordinaire is still safe, but Dagenais adds his own brand of ooey gooey goodness. There is a couple of special effects striving for comic relief, one zombie has a fork thrust into it's head with a hot dog still on it . In the credits as wiener zombie. Another scene shows a flare shot into the chest of the undead, causing his head to ignite into flames like the comic book character Ghost rider. Sarge lights a cigarette from the flaming skull before karate kicking it off the ferry. My favorite zombie kill being that of a fire extinguisher nozzle thrust into it's mouth, the foam forcing itself out from the nostrils, ears and eyes, eventually the eyes pop out with nerve stems still attached.


In the last minutes of the picture, sarge is heard in another voice over. " Someone puts up a flag, another person tears it down and puts up his own, pretty soon no one remembers what started the war in the first place, and the fighting becomes all about those stupid flags. "Throughout the film Romero gives us different reasons to switch sides with the antagonists. Like O' Flynn we will be anti zombie and wish them eliminated. Other times Muldoon's reasoning seems acceptable, and yet again at other times he will come across like a raving lunatic. But in the end Sarge learns he and his fellow comrades have joined forces with one of the families hastily.

My Thoughts: I think it's pretty clever, through the use of zombies, how George Romero feels about the state of the world.The zombie as a metaphor, mirroring political and social events throughout the years. I'm curious to see where George will take his zombies next, it looks to me like there's not a whole lot to go to .

My Rating: 2.5 Go Go Girls out of 5, The first three are still the best.

Horror Hospital


Directed byAnthony Balch

Starring Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw, Ellen Pollock, Skip martin


A black limousine sits amidst the foliage of a forested lot, it's occupants waiting with anticipation. A black gloved gentleman, Dr. Storm ( Gough ) and a little man christened Frederick ( Martin ) occupy the rear seats. The chauffeur up front waiting for instructions. Enter two runners, a male and a female . Their heads swathed in bloodied bandages, their clothes torn and tattered looking very much like they just put up some sort of a struggle. The driver having received his instructions now follow the two as they pick up their pace. In a calm and distinctive voice Dr. Storm orders " Make a clean job of it;after all, we just washed the car. Frederick pulls a lever and a machete type blade pops out from the vehicle and lops their heads clean off into a basket also protruding from the car.

Elsewhere at a small pub, with a live band supplying the music, Jason Jones ( Askwith ) a hippie type or is it a mod? This does take place in England. Jason is pissed, he has just been thrown out of the band,not been compensated for the song he wrote and to make matters worse he has just been beaten up by a transvestite. The actor who plays the part of Jason Jones, Robin Askwith reminded me very much of a young Mick Jagger of the rock group The Rolling Stones. With a brochure in hands, Hairy Holidays, Jason's friends suggest that he could use a holiday.

Arriving at the travel agent, Jason is greeted by a very feminine older gentleman, who seems to be more interested in staring at Jason's crotch and asking him out for a date than the travel arrangements. Jason decides to vacation at a health farm to get" straightened out " he says.

On the way to Brittlehouse manor, Jason meets Judy Peters ( Shaw ) on the train and discovers that two are headed for the same destination. Departing at their train depot and finding it deserted except for Carter the station manager, the two decide to walk to the manor. Shortly after Carter makes a phone call the newly found friends are greeted by a pair of leather clad ,white helmeted motorcyclists. Each bike, with a plaque reading Storm 1 and Storm 2. At the hotel they are greeted by the receptionist Dr. Storm's wife who turns out to be Judy's estranged aunt Harris. Before the war ( WWII ) Aunt Harris was the madame of a whore house. As Jason and Judy are led to their rooms by the little man,Jason comments on how the hotel looks more like a hospital than a health farm when they pass a room with the bed covered in blood. When the new guests are called down for dinner, they are welcomed to join a table occupied by expressionless, zombie looking young men and women. Each with a strange scar on their foreheads and clad in white apparel, Aunt Harris dressed in red sits at the head of the table. With the mentioning of Dr. Storm one young woman screams hysterically and is removed violently from the table by two of the leather clad , helmeted guards. These guards donned black leather pants and jackets. A white motorcycle helmet with goggles complete the uniform. Showing no expression, this small army Dr. Storm has gathered reminded me of the Stormtroopers Hitler commanded or the Stormtroopers from Star Wars.

An image that sticks out in my mind is one where Judy not feeling well is taken back to their room by Jason. Wetting a wash cloth for her forehead, the tap is left on as a wheel chaired Dr. Storm ( he is confined to a wheel chair ) the little man and Aunt Harris enter the room and the water flowing from the tap turns to blood, a chilling moment. Jason and Judy now realize they must escape, looking for a way off the grounds, Jason returns to the room to find Judy missing. Dr. Storm leads Jason on a tour of the facilities, his underground laboratory, where he is experimenting on the youth. Wanting to turn them into his slaves, puppets to obey his commands whenever he pulls the strings. I took this as a metaphor for the generation gap that developed in the late sixties and early seventies. The younger generation growing their hair long, smoking their pot, grooving to that crazy rock and roll music. Basically rebelling against the man ( society ). And now Dr. Storm ( a Nazi militia man) look up storm in the dictionary , is determined to put an end to it.

Jason escapes and is quickly pursued by Dr. Storm's troopers, only to be captured. This is one thing I found to be tedious with this picture, there is lots of escaping and recapturing to the point of being redundant. Abraham, looking for his missing ex girlfriend Millie,is also captured and thrown into a locked room with Jason. With Frederick's help the two are released, and try to save the girl friends. Mean while a mysterious humanoid creature with the skin of a grilled cheese sandwich turned inside out is making an appearance in the hotel.Rescuing Judy from her future operation , but arriving too late to save Millie from Mr. Grilled Cheese, the melted blob of goo escapes to the outdoors. Destroying Dr. Storm's equipment and machinery causes a fire to break out. Trying to make their way from the manor to the big black limo, the trio have to fend off zombies, stormtroopers and the blazing fire that is engulfing the old hotel. In a British style of humour, our heroes are making their escape and run through the kitchen. Jason makes a stop and gobbles down as much food as possible before continuing with his escape. Finally making their way to the limousine, they make good use of it's on board weapons and end the wrath of the walking goo. The torso falling into a swampy section of the forest and is sucked down into the quick sand. Abraham retrieves the head from the basket and tosses the bloody pulp towards the bog to be reunited with it's body once again.

At the train depot, Carter the station manager asks for tickets as they board the train. A melted hand is seen slowly rising from the marsh, perhaps to give one final command to one of it's minions. Back at the station , we see Carter sprawled out along the rails, covered in blood.

My Thoughts: This is a fun little horror film, with some memorable images thanks to director Anthony Balch. It was interesting to see Michael Gough, you may remember him better as Alfred from the Tim Burton Batman films, fun to watch , perhaps for his performance alone. I thought some of the fight scenes were rather weak.

My Rating: 3.5 Go Go Girls out of 5( There is some most welcomed female nudity here, but we have to pay the price. A guy's wiener is briefly shown )

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The 7th Victim ( 1943 )







Directed by Mark Robson





Starring Tom Conway, Jean Brooks, Kim Hunter, Evelyn Brent, Isabel Jewell, Hugh Beaumont,Erford Gage










The very first shot we see in the movie is one of a stain glass window inside a school. It reads as follows I Runne to death, and death meets me as fast, and all my pleasures are like yesterday.




This is taken from the Holy Sonnet VII Jonne Donne and pretty well sums up the entire movie.




A young Mary Gibson( Hunter ) is trying to make her way upstairs to the head mistress' office as a herd of girls are descending. Inside the office, Mary explains that she needs to go to New York city to find her missing sister, Jacqueline(Brooks ). Jacqueline pays Mary's tuition fees for the all girls school. Outside the office the head mistress' assistant warns Mary not to come back to the school whether she finds her sister or not. When Mary arrives in New York , the first place the amateur detective decides to investigate is her sister's cosmetic factory.After talking to Mrs Redi , Mary learns that the business was sold to her eight months prior. On her way out of the factory Mary bumps into Francis ( Jewell ) who adores Jacqueline, maybe even a little too much, if you know what I mean. After talking to Francis , Mary goes to pay a little Italian restaurant a visit where Jacqueline was last seen. The chef seen in the restaurant was a famous Italian chef, talk about your typecasting. Mary discovers that her sister has rented a room from the owners above the restaurant. She convinces them to let her inside for some kind of a clue to her where abouts. When the door to the tiny apartment is opened , it is found to be empty except for a chair and a hangman's noose dangling from the ceiling. Mary is urged by the police and Jason Hoag ( Gage ) a writer who happens to be at the eatery, to go to the missing persons bureau. Filing the necessary information about her missing sister, Mary is approached by a funny little man by the name of Erbine August who claims to be a private investigator, and willing to do the leg work like looking in the city morgue. Mary tells him , she doesn't have any money right now, and August loses interest. Arriving at Gregory Ward's office after coming straight from the morgue, Mary faints. Gregory Ward is played by actor Hugh Beaumont, whose movie career didn't sky rocket, but made a name for himself on the television hit Leave it to Beaver. What I found ironic here is Beaumont is playing an attorney Gregory Ward, and his character's name on Leave it to Beaver was Ward Cleaver. That evening August tells Mary " good news I'm willing to take on your case". The two end up back at the cosmetic factory, all is quiet except for the sound of a swinging pendulum clock, there is the absent of music which amps up the tension already created by the lighting effects creating shadows down the corridor where they must go. The door they must open is at the far end of the hall. Mary shames August into venturing down the darkened hall into the unknown. When he finally builds up the courage to do so , he will stagger back towards Mary with his final steps,August has been stabbed. Frightened Mary runs towards the subway, where she rides the train to the end of the line and back.Now back at her original station, three drunken men stumble onto the train, the outer two holding up the third. The trio of drunks sit across from Mary, when the train takes off again,the middle drunks hat falls off and Mary can clearly see that it is the dead body of Mr. August. Panicking Mary scurries to the next compartment for help. When she returns with a subway officer the trio is gone.




Dr. Louis Judd (Conway ) arrives at Gregory Ward's office ,stating Jacqueline needs money,Judd has been keeping her safe. When Mary does finally see Jacqueline alive and safe it is only for mere seconds. After a knock at the door of the apartment where Jacqueline is supposed to be is opened , Mary briefly see her sibling's finger touch her lips as to tell her to keep quiet, the door is slammed closed. When Mary opens the door to follow Jacqueline she has now descended the stairs, was it the right side or the left ? The movie has many scenes of symbolism regarding good and evil. Jacqueline , as we and Mary will discover is a thrill seeker, she leads a meaningless existence and tries to find meaning in her life by joining a Satanic cult. Upon discovering joining the Satanic cult still leaves her empty inside,she wants out. Feeling betrayed by Jacqueline for exposing the Satanists, they want her dead. The usually non violent group who have killed only six other times has made Jacqueline the seventh victim. What I find most disturbing about the Satanists here is how ordinary they seem to be. They could be your neighbour, an aunt or an uncle, maybe even your own parents.Just everyday folk who hold nine to five jobs, barbecue on the week ends and whose front yards are neat and tidy , except for that one darn weed or two.Just like everyone else except for their change in faith.I found this to be more eerie and ominous than if they were sacrificing small farm animals. A Satanic cult not very threatening but still willing to kill if and when they needed.



This movie has a lot going on in it's short 71 minutes, it deals with religion, existentialism, fate, and it's all rolled up into a horror film that comes across much like a film noir. I found it interesting that almost every character is doing some sort of his or her investigation, after all,we are all looking for something.



In the last scene, we see Mimi,usually donning a ratty house coat. An occupant of a room where Jacqueline has rented an apartment with the chair and noose. Mimi as it has been established is dying. In this last scene she is exiting her apartment dressed to the nines, perhaps with a renew interest in life as we hear a chair topple over coming from Jacqueline's apartment.

An interesting side note, the 7th victim was supposed to be the film to elevate Val Lewton from a B movie producer to an A movie producer. But the big shots at RKO studios were not too pleased with Lewton's choice of director, Mark Robson. This was to be Robson's directorial debut, having worked himself up from a stock boy to an editor. Robson did direct, but Lewton remained on B films .

My Thoughts: This is an excellent film. Story wise it is wonderfully written and directed. Technically, for a low budget picture, it looks like no corners were cut. Acting, you could'nt ask for much better. Unfortunately people will look at the date of 1943 and automatically lose interest, and that is a shame.These great little gems that producer Val Lewton had released in the 1940's are a must see IMHO.

My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Antichrist ( 1974 )











Directed by Alberto De Martino










The Exorcist is the Grand daddy of possession type films which all others will be compared to. In the years following The Exorcist,many films have tried to ride the coat tails of it's success. Many have failed, even the Exorcist II, The Heretic(1977)was a total piece of mumbo jumbo demonic bullshit. Director John Boorman has helmed a couple of genre pictures you may have heard of. Both Zardoz and Deliverance were made before The Exorcist II, so we can assume he would be capable of bringing it to the screen. Excalibur was filmed in 1981 which is excellent so I'm going to blame the writing for The Exorcist II for sucking like it did.





I love the Italians for their blatant rip offs of a movie that make money, Fulci did it with Romero's Dawn of the Dead when he made Zombie. In Europe and Italy specifically, Dawn of the Dead was known as Zombie and Fulci's Zombie is known as zombie 2. So with the Exorcist being as big as it was , the Italians were all over it like oregano on a spaghetti sauce.




Ippolita is a young woman, paralyzed from a car accident that also claimed the life of her mother.Ippolita has many issues, for one she is sexually frustrated and blames her father for the death of her mother. Her father's new fiancee Greta doesn't help matters much either.She is also losing her faith with God. When Doctors can't find a physical reason behind her paralysis, her brother Filippo discreetly invites a psyhcologist to a party being held in Ippolita's honour. Dr. Sinibaldi believes he can heal her paralysis with the power of hypnosis. With Ippolita asleep we see a young girl in the back seat of a car, her parents up front. Her mother doesn't like automobiles, and her father teases her as a dog runs out in front of them. Avoiding the canine the car screeches and leaves the safety of the asphalt road and tumbles into a wooded area . Ippolita's father is thrown from the car before it crashes into a tree. Mother's brains splattered all over the interior side of the windshield, and Ippolita still inside a burning vehicle, " My legs are dead" with Ippolita now in a frenzy the Doctor wakes her up from the hypnosis.The Doctor not happy with these results , makes plans for another session. This time he will take Ippolita back farther then the day of the accident. He ends up taking her back to the time before she was even born, before being reincarnated into Ippolita, she was a witch during the inquisitions.The most shocking sequence of the film is at the ceremony when this witch will become a sister to Satan. Among a sea of naked flesh of men and women engaging in acts of a sexual nature, the witch rises and and makes her way to the ceremonial alter. Laying on her back , a man dressed as a goat is mounting her. A female goat is led to the alter and positioned in a way that the witch is able to perform oral sex on it. This thank goodness is not shown, just implied. Meanwhile, Ippolita is seen squirming around on the couch like there is no tomorrow with her tongue flicking to and fro.I think the actress Carla Graviana was such a brave actor to do the things requested of her, or just desperate for the money. Any how this session seems to have cured Ippolita's paralysis. With Doctor Simibaldi the family decides to celebrate at dinner. Shortly Ippolita is gorging down her meal like a hog at an all you can eat buffet.Foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog she spews the nastiest, ugliest things imaginable with a deep bellowing voice from the darkest depths of Hell. Singling out her future step mother in particular. As her anger intensifies , drawers will come flying out of their cabinets, pictures will dance on the walls and lights will sputter on and off. I didn't find this as shocking as The Exorcist, where you have vile and blasphemous words coming from the mouth of a twelve year old as opposed to coming from that of a twenty something young woman.The acting I thought was quite good in this film. As mentioned before actress Carla Graviana had to do some weird shit, but other actors fared no better as one character was forced to lick up some green coloured bile as the possessed Ippolita regurgitates onto her hand. Actress Alida Valli has green pea soup spat onto her face ala Father Merrin from The Exorcist. I thought Director Alberto De Martino led the cast and crew to a mostly decent production, the only real short comings being the budget which didn't fully realise the film's full potential. Some of the graphic effects came off a little cheesy, such as when Ippolita's hand departs from her arm and chokes a character and Ippolita levitating. I'm not the most religious person in the world, but felt uncomfortable of a talisman with a picture of Jesus with a constipated look on his face and penis exposed.I felt this was unnecessary.




The look of the film was quite nice with lots of reds and blues to take in , Joe D'Amato is the cinematographer who has directed many horror films since this, my personal favorite being Beyond the Darkness, a sickie in it's own right.What Exorcist ripoff would be complete without a 360 degrees head spin? Again , the low budget pays havoc to a shoddy looking effect. Ippolita when possessed will seduce young men, one unfortunate horny toad is lured away from his class tour and is shown to have his head rotated around. Really it is just the actor laying on his back with his clothes on backwards. The music in this film is excellent, the score is provided by the great Ennio Morricone and Bruno Nicolai, I don't know jackshit about Nicolai but Morricone is responsible for many horror film soundtracks and the man without a name trilogy with Clint Eastwood such as A Fistful of Dollars, and The Good the Bad and the Ugly, all excellent films. The ferociousness of the violins used in this movie will make you feel like you are being attacked from your speakers.
My Thoughts: I definately did not find this to be as frightening as The Exorcist. I found this to be more of a poor man's version, the effects were just not that strong. The main Actress Carla Gravina, when not possessed had an angelic look about her, I wonder if the film makers had this in mind when casting. I also found The Antichrist rather anti climatic, Ippolita being pursued by her father and brother on the grounds of a church in the pouring rain. Theres probaly something symbolic about this, maybe the rain cleansing her soul, washing her sins away ?
My Rating: 3 Go Go Girls out of 5 This was still sleazy enough for my liking.

Children of the Living Dead


I just stepped into a steaming pile of dog shit, when I threw this one in the DVD player. I wouldn't want this to be playing at a school for the blind, with the television's volume on mute. It' s that bad. This is not even a good movie to watch with some friends over and a couple of beers, although the disc could make for a good beer coaster This is probably the only good thing I can say for this.
The movie( I use the term loosely) opens with an aerial view of a field of zombies as they are being shot at by the local red necks . A sharp shooter in a helicopter is also taking shots at the zombies from the skies. The helicopters used in this film probably used up more than half of the allotted budget for this production. Tom Savini plays a survivalist type who is also here battling the zombie population. Savini is credited as stunt co-coordinator, but the stunts used here are lame. A couple of Karate kicks, flipping onto the hood of a car and a back flip all done by Savini. His efforts could have been used better elsewhere, Savini, for those who don't know is the special effects make up artist for films such as The Burning, Deranged, Dawn of the Dead and Friday the 13th and many other good horror pictures. Instead we have inconsistent make up and rubber gloves for hands on the main character of Abbot Hayes. This could be passable for background zombies, but unacceptable for a main character.
Savini's character Hues is killed when he and sheriff Randolph check out a barn for zombies. A small group of children are found to be hiding inside. After believing the barn to be zombie free, the children are led outside, but not before head zombie Abbott Hayes snuffs out Hues candle. The words 14 years later flashes across the screen as five young college age kids are seen driving by the barn ( not once but twice ) as they make their way to a rock concert. Steve ,one of the concert goers has a flashback of the children being led out of the barn. Was he one of them? Who cares, I didn't and neither will you. The dialogue is dumb and sound forced,and comes off not sounding natural. The conversation in the kid's van for example consists of the movie's plot rehashed out right up to the part before 14 years later is flashed on the screen. Just in case you could'nt make sense of the so called epilogue.Back in the van and on the road to the concert, Abbott Hayes strolls out from the woods and in front of their vehicle, causing the van to careen from the road and over a cliff, huh! killing the occupants. Although not related, all five will be buried at the same time? and at the little cemetary beside the barn? During the funeral, Candy's casket is the only one to remain open? Why? who knows ,most importantly who cares. Speaking of the cemetary, what a joke . There might be twenty head stones in this makeshift grave yard and I shit you not they are made from styrofoam. The coffins are also cheap looking and amateurishly made from a plywood and painted white? That night two grave robbers( they are actually the cemetary's grave diggers)plan to steal from the latest residents, who are not even placed into the ground yet?Dusty the older of the two believes he hears something in the bush, but being half deaf he is ignored by the younger thief. Abbott Hayes attacks the two , Dusty escapes.Abbott Hayes opens Candy's casket and bites her hand, she awakens. The next morning all five caskets are seen empty. Another title flashes across the screen " The next year" as Matthew Michaels is seen snooping around the property of the barn/ cemetary. Sheriff Randolph is called in to investigate. We learn that Michaels is planning to build a car dealership on the lot. Smart business plan , to build a dealership in the middle of Buckfuck nowhere. Never the less construction equipment soon rolls in. Major asshole Greg Peters is hired on by Michael's father as head in charge of the operations. Kind of like the foreman, but hired more for his lack of morals. As the new dealership will be built on the site of the cemetary, the corpses will be relocated . Not to another cemetary as the younger Michaels believes but to a mass grave instead to keep the costs down. " Cover with cement, don't want the smell to come up from the floor when people are buying a new car".After an accident involving heavy equipment and a coffin, the crew discovers the casket empty. Upon investigating the other graves they find all of the coffins to be empty.Abbott Hayes ,sure is one busy zombie.

Matthew Michaels is smitten by a waitress at the local diner, who repeatedly refills his coffee cup without him taking a single sip? Matthew eventually asks Laurie out on a date. And for their first date he takes her to the cemetary?Laurie lets us in on all kinds of secrets regarding Abbott Hayes such as he was raised as Allanna Hayes, a body found in the trunk of his car by the police for a routine check due to a broken tail light. And two corpses decaying in the living room , none of it makes much sense. We also learn that Candy is her sister and Laurie was supposed to go to that concert too, but had to stay and open the diner that day. Hmmmm, that was fifteen years ago. Let's say Laurie is twenty five now, how many ten year olds open a diner on their own? A lot of this movie does not make sense, continuity is brutal. The film makers could'nt remember if they were filming at night or in the day.

Trapped inside at the diner and the land line phone dead, Laurie suggests to turn the lights on, the sheriff will realize trouble when the lights are on ? The sheriff does indeed arrive to the diner, but without any means of communication. Using Michaels cell phone with a low battery, the sheriff calls that ass hole Greg Peters? And tells him to bring as many men, guns and ammo as possible.The sheriff proceeds to explain how this came to be." It started back in 1968( Night of the Living Dead was released in this year) and again in 1986" ( Return of the Living Dead released in 86). John Russo who was one half of the writing team on the original Night of the Living Dead, Director George Romero being the other half. Russo is an Executive Producer on The Children of the Living Dead. The sheriff goes on about the Venus space probe as a suspect in 1968 and a military cannister leaking a chemical in 1986. Another Night of the Living dead connection, Bill Hinzman the first of the undead to attack Barbra in NOTLD is behind the camera for Children of the Living Dead. I don't think he 's qualified for that occupation.

When that asshole Peters arrives there are now more zombies than the whole population of the town and cemetary combined? Peters and the handful of men quickly fight their way into the diner where they become trapped with the others. Smart move Einstien. Once inside the sheriff warns them to shoot them in the head and don't get bitten, " Don't join the ranks of the living dead" The men work their way back outside for some zombie bashing. The make up isn't that good and is sometimes difficult to tell who is who.One stupid red neck throwing dynamite at the undead blows himself up with a stick of dynamite( read flare ) when he accidently drops it inside his car. This explosion could possibly be the most expensive effect in the movie. After a hard and lengthy battle, morning comes and the zombies are finally defeated. But not before sheriff Randolph succombs to the bite of a zombie. He pleads with Laurie to shoot him in the head, and you'll do the same after watching this piece o' shit . The ending has to be one of the biggest twist endings in cinematic history, and I'm going to spoil it for you. Abbott Hayes survives, how was that for a dose of sarcasm?

After discovering the original voices being filmed were recorded with a low volume, you will need to strain to hear the dialogue. I believe the film makers then dubbed in the voices at post production, and then having trouble matching the dialogue up with the actor's mouths. There are many scenes of voice overs- such as the scene of the van driving down the road where characters are engaged in conversation. We don't see the characters , we just hear them talking. I'm guessing it's easier and cheaper to do it this way. At least it spared us of the God awful acting, I have seen better acting at my kid's public school productions. None of the acting could be taken seriously. I don't consider this a horror film and it certainly fails as a comedy with it's unintentional humour and the actor's delivery of inane dialogue.Director Tor A .Ramsey( I wonder if this is even his real name) has posted on the internet stating that Producer Karen Lee Wolf was such a power hungry bitch, she wrote the screenplay and would'nt allow anything to be changed . Everything had to be as how she wrote it. I'm guessing this is why we hav'nt heard of her since.

My Thoughts: This movie is 90 minutes long, I would rather lick a piece of sand paper for 91 minutes than watch this again.

My Rating: 0 Go Go Girls out of 5

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Trailer Park of Terror












Directed by : Steven Goldman










Norma is in her trailer getting all dolled up, she has a big date tonight, and it's with someone who doesn't reside at Topleat Meadows trailer park. This fellow could be her ticket out of this trailer park hellhole.That is until some of the local trash come by and begin to harass the two,eventually causing the death of Norma's potential date. This pisses her off and she storms off down the back road. She soon comes upon a red pickup , the owner ,off into the ditch watering the weeds. It looks and sounds like steam escaping from the ground as he is relieving himself. Norma takes a look into the box of the truck and is shocked to see it full of snakes, or is she imagining the serpents? The stetson clad stranger seems to know a lot about Norma, and hands her a big ass gun. Walking calmly back into the trailer park, Norma goes all Rambo on the unsuspecting trailer park trash. After leaving a trail of corpses, Norma takes a cigarette break but not before turning on a propane tank. Taking her last taste ,she throws the cancer stick into the escaping gas, blowing herself and the park to smithereens.



From a montage of photos of missing persons inside a roadside diner/gas station, it's been established that truckers have gone missing on this stretch of highway since 1981. The year is now 2008, the locals have gone as far as calling this the trucker's triangle. A mini bus , with it's occupants make a stop for some petrol at the diner. Six misguided high school youths and the " I can lead these children to salvation" attitude pastor. All of the kids have issues, there are your nymphomaniacs, coke head, shop lifter and the misunderstood goth girl.After a little adventure of washroom sexcapades, five finger discount of a girlie magazine and an " accidental" spillage of one youth's coke, it's back on the bus. As previously warned a storm quickly blows in and the bus soon collides with an abandoned truck in the middle of the road. With the bus unable to start again the group decides to hike to the nearest facility for help. Shortly they come to the sign of Topleat Meadows Trailer Park, yes the same one where the massacre had occurred over twenty years earlier. When entering one of the trailers, the group is greeted by Norma. Not looking any older than she did twenty years ago and offering her guests sweet tea. Soon they will discover no telephone is available and the electricity will fail. Sitting in candle light, Norma asks if anyone has a scary story to share, with no offers she proceeds to tell hers. I enjoyed the way the film makers set up this premise which is basically your haunted house story , moved to a trailer park location. The residents consists of an Asian whore who runs the park's massage parlour, an obese slob of a woman who loves her meat, and the butcher who supplies the meat? Also residing there,other low life types.


Through flashbacks we learn that truckers would visit the trailer park for a massage ( with a happy ending) as the other park scum are stealing the contents from the semi's. The driver's are dealt with and the empty trucks placed back onto the highway. One day after doing her meat deliveries to the meat obsessed fat lady, Norma comes home to find her mother and the local sheriff making a home made porno film. The butcher operating the camera.When her mother refuses to perform a sex act involving her back door and an over sized pork rind, she is shot in the head by the local law man. With looks of fright on their faces,the kids reply " You got the hell outta there right"? Norma's response is " No I finished the movie".


After everyone finds a trailer and settles in for the night, the new residents must contend to their own vices. The pastor wrestles with his inner demons after watching Norma undress from his trailer's window, he pays her a little visit. Soon the two end up doing the wild thang, when he notices something is not quite right with Norma's face, he becomes frightened and loses his woody. Norma becomes angry with this and demands him to bring it back, when he can't, she rips his head off. All hell breaks loose, literally as each member of the youth group is visited by the undead trailer park sleaze. This movie while competent enough, does not bring anything new to the table, except as mentioned before the trailer park setting. This one reminded me very much of the H.G. Lewis film 2001 maniacs.

Trailer Park of Terror turns from a tone of light hearted/ black comedy to one of viciousness. With scenes of a young woman having an air line forced down her throat, the same air line used to keep Norma's breasts inflated to a healthy appearance. With a promise to live if he kills his girlfriend, one male character is treated to a nasty surprise when he fails to succeed. He is dragged to a makeshift slaughter house by the hulking butcher, where he is strung up much like a carcass of a cattle beast. Stripping the flesh from the young male ,the butcher force feeds it onto him. Eventually the victim is lowered into a large vat of boiling oil and is deep fried. I felt this segment to be out of place for this film, and to be more appropriate for something along the likes of the Hostel pictures. This movie plays by the rules established by Halloween and the Friday the 13th films, and that is,sex and drugs kill. But in the horror movie world , you'll be paying for it in the most grusome manner possible. For once I would love to see a nymphomaniac crack headed jaywalker survive the onslaught brought on by some hulking psychopathic machete wielding mad man, now that would be different. So with these same rules or guide lines in place we know pretty much what to expect. Except for the torture porn sequence, this is still a fun little film to check out. The special effects are decent , the actors are quite capable enough. I have nothing bad to say towards the direction, the writing could have been a little more original though.

My Thoughts:Trailer Park of Terror is a fine little horror movie, but for me , not one worth repeated viewings. I did'nt like the change in tone, I thought it was too drastic of a change, but that's just me. The film makers did try to make it fun again when one of the undead stepped onto a land mine and blew himself to pieces. With duct tape his buddy was trying to put him back together again, I did chuckle at that. But still, too little too late.

My Rating: 2.5 Go Go Girls out of 5 ( Even Priscella Barnes exposed ass didn't help )

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Sell the Dead





Directed by:Glenn McQuaid, Starring Dominic Monaghan, Larry Fassenden, Ron Perlman, Angus Scrimm






Here is another movie that seemed to have gone under the radar.An original, clever story that quickly faded away to allow more room for the never ending arrivals being cranked out from the remake machine.



I Sell the Dead is a smartly written story that blends both dark humor and the macabre in equal parts as it unfolds the tale of a young man sitting in a prison cell. Waiting for his turn to place his head into the chopping block.





This is just your average little period piece set in nineteenth century England involving grave robbers vampires,zombies and aliens. It's a quaint and charming film that will win you over with it's main characters, dark humour,and comedic situations the two protagonists finds themselves in. When we are first introduced to Willie Grimes (Fassenden)as he is being violently pushed towards a guillotine by the village executioner. A small audience gathers to watch and throw obscenities towards him. As poor Willie settles his neck onto it's final resting place , the blade comes crashing down and his head is seen to separate from it's body and falls into a blood stained wicker basket.The screen fills with a blood red colour,and the picture turns to a cartoon , much like that from a comic book. This effect is used throughout the film, the movie Creepshow also used this technique to begin a new story in it's anthology.I like it.


Father Duffy( Perlman) is seen walking down a long corridor, his destination, the prison cell at the end of the hall. Inside sits Arthur Blake(Monaghan), imprisoned for murder and grave robbing. Blake confesses to the grave robbing but not of murder. He insists that he and his partner Grimes were set up.


I Sell the Dead consists of for lack of a better word chapters, each chapter starts with Father Duffy and Blake conversing and then via flashbacks we are taken back to Blake's life of grave robbing. We see how Blake as a boy met Willie Grimes and how the young boy's first job almost became his last. The young Arthur Blake eventually proves his worth to Grimes and grows to be his business partner.


The two eventually find themselves working for Dr. Vernon Quint (Angus Scrimm) who is experimenting with corpses. Soon he wants more bodies and the fresher the better, he has the two by the short and curlies and will turn them over to the authorities if they do not oblige. Not wanting Quint to call on the police, the duo resorts to robbing bodies from wakes. With Quint behind them , Blake and Grimes move onto new adventures and discover the art of resurrection. They find a grave buried outside of the cemetary gates, which they found strange, but decide to unearth the occupant anyways. Opening the crate they discover the body donning a necklace of garlic and a wooden stake thrust ino her chest, which they remove. In a creepy scene the corpse struggles to get up on her legs,not unlike a newborn horse. Trying to stand, and taking a gasp of air again, she attacks as the two look on dumbfounded, struggling for their lives until the undead woman falls back onto to the stake. In a comedic fashion, Grimes pulls out and inserts, pulls out and inserts the stake several times bringing life and death back and forth to the vampire. Upon finding out certain customers are willing to pay ten times the amount for unusual corpes, our heroes decide this is the way to go for their future of grave robbing.


Finding a grave with the ground frozen above it, the curious pair digs this one up also. Unearthing a small casket and believing a child is inside, they remove their coats and cover the box to protect their hands from the coldness it emits. On the way into town to sell their wares, they are stopped by Cornelius Murphy, a member of the Murphy House, a rival gang of grave robbers. Grave robbing is a competitive business. He demands the occupant be handed over to him , Blake refuses, a struggle occurs and the contents of the box dissappears into a of blinding ray of light from the sky.


With cockney accents,dirt and grime covered skin and clothes,these characters look like they could have stepped out of the pages of a Dicken's novel. Ron Perlman is such a great character actor bringing his uniqueness to every role. It's no wonder Guillermo del Toro insisted Perlman star in Hellboy, or director McQuaid wait to commence filming so Perlman could finnish his prior committments. He has a strong screen presence and suits these period pieces well, one of my favourites is his performance of a hunchback in the film In the Name of the Rose. Larry Fassenden is usually found behind the camera as a director. I have never seen him act before but personally felt he held his own and definitely did not look out of place in the presence of the more seasoned pros here. He brought a whimsical feel to the character of Willie Grimes, with his chipped tooth and a silly grin.Dominic Monaghan is probably the best known here as he was seen by millions of people in The Lord of the Rings trilogy as Merry Brandybuck a hobbit and in the television serise Lost. As Arthur Blake, I think he was an excellent choice of casting in the role of the misguided youth .Monaghan and Fassenden compliments each other in the roles of the grave robbing duo. Angus Scrimm is a tall person, and in the Phantasm films he was known as The Tall Man, who had a menacing evil stare. Even today for a man of his age he adds a powerful presence to his characters and still remains intimidating. All the actors chewed a little scenery, but you could tell they were having fun in their roles.

There are flashbacks within flashbacks to tell the story of missisng crates that are believed to have washed up on the shores of a nearby island.Doctors believe the contents can help towards immortality. Grimes and Blake along with his newly acquired girlfriend Fanny,make the trek across the ocean for their fortunes.All does not go as planned,as members of the house of Murphy have reached the crates first and Grimes will be bitten by an occupant of one of the crates.

Director Glenn McQuaid first used the the characters Arthur Blake and Willie Grimes in a short film he had made earlier. He loved the characters that he created and wanted to see more of them. So he wrote this feature film and even has plans for a prequel I Sell the dead is an indie film, independant of any of the big studios financing. But the care and love that went into this project makes it look many times better than many Hollywood " A " films. This picture looks like it was fimed in the cemetaries and moors of England, but actually shot entirely in the state of New York. A great part on Staten Island, specifically an old fort. With the help of a fog machine the cemetaries look like they are located on England's moors. The pub that is frequented quite often for a quaff of ale by our heroes, The Fortune of War is actually a bar in the East Village of New York city and is still open for business.

I like the use of the camera's aperture to close and open a scene, this is an effect usually found on older , mostly silent era films. Nice touch, makes you believe you are watching an older film. One more thing that takes you back to the oldies is the title card at the end of the movie that reads A Good Cast is Worth Repeating. This was used in the 1932 production of Frankenstein.

Back at the prison cell, with Father Duffy taking in all the information he has heard from Blake's tales, the priest attacks . We now find out the priest's identity and his true intentions.

My Thoughts: I think this is an excellent mixture of humour and horror. The make up effects are very well done , not overly frightening but look good. There is a knife to the throat gag that looks convincingly real.The acting, a job well done. I also enjoyed the music by Jeff Grace, consistant throughout. Whether it was eerie or slightly comedic as like the film, the tone altered many times . My favourite being A What Which a happy go lucky sounding tune with whistling.

My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5 ( No nudity, I know, but this was just good old fashion fun.)