I just stepped into a steaming pile of dog shit, when I threw this one in the DVD player. I wouldn't want this to be playing at a school for the blind, with the television's volume on mute. It' s that bad. This is not even a good movie to watch with some friends over and a couple of beers, although the disc could make for a good beer coaster This is probably the only good thing I can say for this.
The movie( I use the term loosely) opens with an aerial view of a field of zombies as they are being shot at by the local red necks . A sharp shooter in a helicopter is also taking shots at the zombies from the skies. The helicopters used in this film probably used up more than half of the allotted budget for this production. Tom Savini plays a survivalist type who is also here battling the zombie population. Savini is credited as stunt co-coordinator, but the stunts used here are lame. A couple of Karate kicks, flipping onto the hood of a car and a back flip all done by Savini. His efforts could have been used better elsewhere, Savini, for those who don't know is the special effects make up artist for films such as The Burning, Deranged, Dawn of the Dead and Friday the 13th and many other good horror pictures. Instead we have inconsistent make up and rubber gloves for hands on the main character of Abbot Hayes. This could be passable for background zombies, but unacceptable for a main character.
Savini's character Hues is killed when he and sheriff Randolph check out a barn for zombies. A small group of children are found to be hiding inside. After believing the barn to be zombie free, the children are led outside, but not before head zombie Abbott Hayes snuffs out Hues candle. The words 14 years later flashes across the screen as five young college age kids are seen driving by the barn ( not once but twice ) as they make their way to a rock concert. Steve ,one of the concert goers has a flashback of the children being led out of the barn. Was he one of them? Who cares, I didn't and neither will you. The dialogue is dumb and sound forced,and comes off not sounding natural. The conversation in the kid's van for example consists of the movie's plot rehashed out right up to the part before 14 years later is flashed on the screen. Just in case you could'nt make sense of the so called epilogue.Back in the van and on the road to the concert, Abbott Hayes strolls out from the woods and in front of their vehicle, causing the van to careen from the road and over a cliff, huh! killing the occupants. Although not related, all five will be buried at the same time? and at the little cemetary beside the barn? During the funeral, Candy's casket is the only one to remain open? Why? who knows ,most importantly who cares. Speaking of the cemetary, what a joke . There might be twenty head stones in this makeshift grave yard and I shit you not they are made from styrofoam. The coffins are also cheap looking and amateurishly made from a plywood and painted white? That night two grave robbers( they are actually the cemetary's grave diggers)plan to steal from the latest residents, who are not even placed into the ground yet?Dusty the older of the two believes he hears something in the bush, but being half deaf he is ignored by the younger thief. Abbott Hayes attacks the two , Dusty escapes.Abbott Hayes opens Candy's casket and bites her hand, she awakens. The next morning all five caskets are seen empty. Another title flashes across the screen " The next year" as Matthew Michaels is seen snooping around the property of the barn/ cemetary. Sheriff Randolph is called in to investigate. We learn that Michaels is planning to build a car dealership on the lot. Smart business plan , to build a dealership in the middle of Buckfuck nowhere. Never the less construction equipment soon rolls in. Major asshole Greg Peters is hired on by Michael's father as head in charge of the operations. Kind of like the foreman, but hired more for his lack of morals. As the new dealership will be built on the site of the cemetary, the corpses will be relocated . Not to another cemetary as the younger Michaels believes but to a mass grave instead to keep the costs down. " Cover with cement, don't want the smell to come up from the floor when people are buying a new car".After an accident involving heavy equipment and a coffin, the crew discovers the casket empty. Upon investigating the other graves they find all of the coffins to be empty.Abbott Hayes ,sure is one busy zombie.
The movie( I use the term loosely) opens with an aerial view of a field of zombies as they are being shot at by the local red necks . A sharp shooter in a helicopter is also taking shots at the zombies from the skies. The helicopters used in this film probably used up more than half of the allotted budget for this production. Tom Savini plays a survivalist type who is also here battling the zombie population. Savini is credited as stunt co-coordinator, but the stunts used here are lame. A couple of Karate kicks, flipping onto the hood of a car and a back flip all done by Savini. His efforts could have been used better elsewhere, Savini, for those who don't know is the special effects make up artist for films such as The Burning, Deranged, Dawn of the Dead and Friday the 13th and many other good horror pictures. Instead we have inconsistent make up and rubber gloves for hands on the main character of Abbot Hayes. This could be passable for background zombies, but unacceptable for a main character.
Savini's character Hues is killed when he and sheriff Randolph check out a barn for zombies. A small group of children are found to be hiding inside. After believing the barn to be zombie free, the children are led outside, but not before head zombie Abbott Hayes snuffs out Hues candle. The words 14 years later flashes across the screen as five young college age kids are seen driving by the barn ( not once but twice ) as they make their way to a rock concert. Steve ,one of the concert goers has a flashback of the children being led out of the barn. Was he one of them? Who cares, I didn't and neither will you. The dialogue is dumb and sound forced,and comes off not sounding natural. The conversation in the kid's van for example consists of the movie's plot rehashed out right up to the part before 14 years later is flashed on the screen. Just in case you could'nt make sense of the so called epilogue.Back in the van and on the road to the concert, Abbott Hayes strolls out from the woods and in front of their vehicle, causing the van to careen from the road and over a cliff, huh! killing the occupants. Although not related, all five will be buried at the same time? and at the little cemetary beside the barn? During the funeral, Candy's casket is the only one to remain open? Why? who knows ,most importantly who cares. Speaking of the cemetary, what a joke . There might be twenty head stones in this makeshift grave yard and I shit you not they are made from styrofoam. The coffins are also cheap looking and amateurishly made from a plywood and painted white? That night two grave robbers( they are actually the cemetary's grave diggers)plan to steal from the latest residents, who are not even placed into the ground yet?Dusty the older of the two believes he hears something in the bush, but being half deaf he is ignored by the younger thief. Abbott Hayes attacks the two , Dusty escapes.Abbott Hayes opens Candy's casket and bites her hand, she awakens. The next morning all five caskets are seen empty. Another title flashes across the screen " The next year" as Matthew Michaels is seen snooping around the property of the barn/ cemetary. Sheriff Randolph is called in to investigate. We learn that Michaels is planning to build a car dealership on the lot. Smart business plan , to build a dealership in the middle of Buckfuck nowhere. Never the less construction equipment soon rolls in. Major asshole Greg Peters is hired on by Michael's father as head in charge of the operations. Kind of like the foreman, but hired more for his lack of morals. As the new dealership will be built on the site of the cemetary, the corpses will be relocated . Not to another cemetary as the younger Michaels believes but to a mass grave instead to keep the costs down. " Cover with cement, don't want the smell to come up from the floor when people are buying a new car".After an accident involving heavy equipment and a coffin, the crew discovers the casket empty. Upon investigating the other graves they find all of the coffins to be empty.Abbott Hayes ,sure is one busy zombie.
Matthew Michaels is smitten by a waitress at the local diner, who repeatedly refills his coffee cup without him taking a single sip? Matthew eventually asks Laurie out on a date. And for their first date he takes her to the cemetary?Laurie lets us in on all kinds of secrets regarding Abbott Hayes such as he was raised as Allanna Hayes, a body found in the trunk of his car by the police for a routine check due to a broken tail light. And two corpses decaying in the living room , none of it makes much sense. We also learn that Candy is her sister and Laurie was supposed to go to that concert too, but had to stay and open the diner that day. Hmmmm, that was fifteen years ago. Let's say Laurie is twenty five now, how many ten year olds open a diner on their own? A lot of this movie does not make sense, continuity is brutal. The film makers could'nt remember if they were filming at night or in the day.
Trapped inside at the diner and the land line phone dead, Laurie suggests to turn the lights on, the sheriff will realize trouble when the lights are on ? The sheriff does indeed arrive to the diner, but without any means of communication. Using Michaels cell phone with a low battery, the sheriff calls that ass hole Greg Peters? And tells him to bring as many men, guns and ammo as possible.The sheriff proceeds to explain how this came to be." It started back in 1968( Night of the Living Dead was released in this year) and again in 1986" ( Return of the Living Dead released in 86). John Russo who was one half of the writing team on the original Night of the Living Dead, Director George Romero being the other half. Russo is an Executive Producer on The Children of the Living Dead. The sheriff goes on about the Venus space probe as a suspect in 1968 and a military cannister leaking a chemical in 1986. Another Night of the Living dead connection, Bill Hinzman the first of the undead to attack Barbra in NOTLD is behind the camera for Children of the Living Dead. I don't think he 's qualified for that occupation.
When that asshole Peters arrives there are now more zombies than the whole population of the town and cemetary combined? Peters and the handful of men quickly fight their way into the diner where they become trapped with the others. Smart move Einstien. Once inside the sheriff warns them to shoot them in the head and don't get bitten, " Don't join the ranks of the living dead" The men work their way back outside for some zombie bashing. The make up isn't that good and is sometimes difficult to tell who is who.One stupid red neck throwing dynamite at the undead blows himself up with a stick of dynamite( read flare ) when he accidently drops it inside his car. This explosion could possibly be the most expensive effect in the movie. After a hard and lengthy battle, morning comes and the zombies are finally defeated. But not before sheriff Randolph succombs to the bite of a zombie. He pleads with Laurie to shoot him in the head, and you'll do the same after watching this piece o' shit . The ending has to be one of the biggest twist endings in cinematic history, and I'm going to spoil it for you. Abbott Hayes survives, how was that for a dose of sarcasm?
After discovering the original voices being filmed were recorded with a low volume, you will need to strain to hear the dialogue. I believe the film makers then dubbed in the voices at post production, and then having trouble matching the dialogue up with the actor's mouths. There are many scenes of voice overs- such as the scene of the van driving down the road where characters are engaged in conversation. We don't see the characters , we just hear them talking. I'm guessing it's easier and cheaper to do it this way. At least it spared us of the God awful acting, I have seen better acting at my kid's public school productions. None of the acting could be taken seriously. I don't consider this a horror film and it certainly fails as a comedy with it's unintentional humour and the actor's delivery of inane dialogue.Director Tor A .Ramsey( I wonder if this is even his real name) has posted on the internet stating that Producer Karen Lee Wolf was such a power hungry bitch, she wrote the screenplay and would'nt allow anything to be changed . Everything had to be as how she wrote it. I'm guessing this is why we hav'nt heard of her since.
My Thoughts: This movie is 90 minutes long, I would rather lick a piece of sand paper for 91 minutes than watch this again.
My Rating: 0 Go Go Girls out of 5
LOL
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