The Order

Directed by Brian Helgeland
Starring: Heath Ledger,Shannon Sossamon,Mark Addy,Benno Furman,Peter Weller


To be honest with you guys, I never did give much attention to Heath Ledger. That is until his brilliant performance as the Joker. In this film he faces a dark knight of a different sort. Director Helgeland who also directed A Knight's Tale  brings half the cast from that film with him to make this one.Ledger portrays Alex, a young Priest torn between his work for God and his love for a woman ( Sossamon ) an ex mental patient. Alex is sent to Rome to investigate the mysterious death of his mentor, where he confronts a sin eater. Sin eaters are immortal priests gone astray who can consume the sins of the dying. With their sins eaten they can get absolution before they die. Or something like that. This starts off a little slow until Robocop shows up with a  religious artifact to destroy the sin eater. Peter Weller plays Driscoll, a chain smoking priest in possession of  the mysterious dagger.
Ledger as the confused young Priest plays the part  convincingly, lusting for a female yet devoted his life to the church. The addition of Addy makes for some welcome moments of comic relief  but doesn't last long as his character Father Thomas' life is endangered many times. Furman as the Sin Eater plays the part cool and confident and comes across less evil than we are first intended to believe. Alex even surrenders the dagger that is supposed to destroy the sin eater over to him. But the sin eater has bigger plans intended for Alex, even bigger than his death.
There are plenty of dark and daunting interior images of churches that could  even creep out the most  profane. Other images high on the creep factor include a pair of children who are actually demon spawn. The basement of a techno dance club literally could be the fiery bowels of hell with it's depravity of sins and torture in abundance.
I'm not quite sure if the funky optical effects belong in this film, but The Order does deserve to have a look see.
My Final Thoughts: This is definitely not the best of the man of the cloth fighting his inner demons movie, but Ledger's Alex makes for an interesting character.

My Rating: Two and a half Go Go Girls out of Five

The Bloodstained Shadow (1978)

Directed by Antonio Bido
Starring: Lino Capoliccio,Stefania Casini, Craig Hill
Strange murders begin to occur shortly after the local priest's brother Stefano( Capoicchio ) sporting one of the most hideous sweaters imaginable, even Bill Cosby wouldn't be caught dead in it. The two brother's reunion is cut  short  when Father Paolo (Hill ) witnesses a murder and mysterious notes begin to show up threatening him.
This is a giallo, therefore plenty of strange and eccentric characters show up as possible suspects as the murderer returns. In a pre credit scene a young woman is seen strangled in a meadow, sharp eyed viewers can catch a clue. There is an odd assortment of a medium, a doctor, a mid wife and a rich s.o.b.  with a fondness for young boys who make up the body count. Add to the mixture of this murder mystery a man child who enjoys the dismemberment and eye gouging of his dolls, a mysterious painting and a typewriter with a unique feature.
The acting and directing are decent enough, I can't really say the same for the dubbing as it was not up to par. Unfortunately the copy of DVD I watched did not offer an Italian language version with sub titles. There is plenty of P.O.V. ( point of view ) camera shots and interesting angles to consider this a film of the giallo sub genre. The use of the killer wearing black leather gloves is a requsite in the giallo genre but was obliterated here. The film's love interest was booooor ing as the two characters never seemed to click, even a nude love scene couldn't ignite a spark. The female under arm hair didn't help much either, I know it's the European way but please.
I always enjoy a good whodunit, unfortunately this wasn't one as I found some of the plot devices rather forced and stretched a bit thin in an attempt to make the story work. There was some tension created before the killings but the actual kills were not very thrilling, there was little gore except for a head roasting on an open fire. With no emotional connection to any of the characters I really couldn't give a rat's ass if they lived or died.

My Final Thought: The best thing about this film was the Goblin like soundtrack. If you don't know who they are, what are you waiting for? Go track some of their stuff down. I recommend the Suspiria, Tenebrae and the Dawn of the Dead sound tracks.
My Rating: 2 Go Go Girls out of Five.

Troll Hunter

Hans down,this is the best movie about hunting trolls

Directed by:Andre Ovredal
Starring: Otto Jespersen, Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Morck, Thomas Alf Larsen

Fairy Tales are not just for kids anymore, especially when there are trolls to deal with. What would you do if one of the world's oldest secrets is shared with you? Would you do what everyone else is doing these days, film it and put it on You Tube? It's not exactly what a trio of Norwegian college students do, but they do find themselves caught up in some Norwegian folk lore and they are only to happy to capture it all on film.
The trio of young film makers are planning to shoot a documentary on bear poaching that has been going on in the area, bear hunting is regulated by the government.  The small film crew which consists of Thomas who is the one in front of the camera and does the reporting,he is also the leader showing his enthusiasm for the project. Johanna is the sound girl and Kalle operates the camera. Believing they have found the poacher they follow him,hoping for an exclusive interview. What they discover to their horror and amazement instead is the stuff found in a child's nightmare. Straight out of a fairy tale the students face the awe inspiring sight of a Tosseldorf, a three headed troll .The C.G.I. effects used in the film are a spectacular sight and for this viewer did not diminish the enjoyment that other C.G.I. driven films can do. You will believe trolls do inhabit our world.The film builds suspense by using the sound of breaking tree trunks and limbs to signify the approaching Trolls. Along with the visual appearance of the tree tops swaying back and forth for the arrival for some kind of behemoth beast also adds to the suspense.
Turns out Hans (Jesperson ) the suspected  bear poacher is actually the titular character,convincingly portrayed by Jesperson. The only one of his kind, who was hired by the government to keep the Trolls from wandering out of their jurisdictions. Hans who was reluctant at first to even talk with the students agrees to allow the students to travel with him to document his work. He schools the trio and the audience on the different kinds of trolls, their habitats, eating habits and even shows us the effects a giant flash bulb will cause if a troll does step out of his boundary.
This could be considered the Blair Witch Project  from Norway, just swap out a witch for a troll, with it's hand held camera techniques but the over all look is one of a more polished product. The acting is nothing too special , but competent which adds to the realism of a supposed story of found footage. But the acting is decent enough not to remove the viewer from the story, but make you feel their fears and anxieties and on numerous occasions I needed to remind myself that it is just a movie and not a real documentary as seen on the Discovery channel. The film works because it takes itself seriously, there is dark humour sprinkled throughout but the over all tone is one of seriousness. One such scene brings memories of the fairy tale of the Three Billy Goats Gruff when three sheep are tied to a bridge for bait. Another scene involves a Muslim camera person brought into the group after Hans tells them Trolls can smell the blood of a Christian.
The college students consider Hans a hero for the work he does, but he seems ashamed towards his job, calling it dirty work. He also hates the long hours, lack of benefits and the paper work required after  the slaying of a troll.How about the power workers who have never questioned the power lines that just loop around without supplying power to anywhere, Hans knows  this acts like an electric fence to keep the trolls from wandering just like lost cattle. Hans knows the truth and now you will too.

My Final Thought: I found this to be a very entertaining film with memorable characters.The use of C.G.I. was inevitable considering the subject but looks respectful and not over killed.
My Rating: Four Go Go Girls out of Five

Dead Girl

This smells like teen spirit,first time loves, death and decay

Directed by: Marcel Sarmiento, Gadi Harel
Starring: Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Candice Accola, Jenny Spain

 I recall one day in my pre teen days my friends and I had sneaked into a secret fort built by the older teen aged boys in our neighbourhood. We had no idea of the activities that took place inside the walls that were off limits to us. But on that one specific summer day we had a hint of braveness or was it stupidity? We entered where we were forbidden, and to our astonished pre puberty eyes we discovered the holey grail  of any young boy, that's right, porn. A stack of magazines consisting of Playboys, Penthouse, Hustler and some we've never heard of before. I quickly stuffed my hungry eyes as full as I could, not knowing when the owners would return and trying to avoid the inevitable beating that would follow if caught. I don't know if my friends ever did go back but I know I never did. Yeah, I was afraid of the older boys but felt more intimidated by the female body than a good rough housing, although I was intrigued by those pictures. The two main characters of Dead Girl also stumble upon something that awakens their sexual appetite. Unlike the moldy smelling periodicals we found, these guys stumble onto the mother lode.
J.T. and Ricky are two seventeen year old boys, friends since child hood. They are the types who enjoy partying it up and don't take school very serious. Ricky (Fernandez ) has a crush on Joann ( Accola ) who just happens to be dating the quarterback of the football team. This set up makes way for a typical high school drama cliche, the jocks versus the stoners, other than this there is nothing else typical in this unconventional character study of first time love.
One day the two friends decide to skip classes and drink some beer instead, J.T. ( Segan ) insists on having their little party at the condemned mental hospital. After a couple of brewskies they find they need to smash some windows and cause havoc onto the abandoned building. J.T. recommends they go to the wing where the real dangerous patients were held. Fleeing to safety after being chased by a rapid guard dog, the boys discover a sealed door. Prying the locked door open the two AWOL students discover a naked, dead girl shackled to a gurney  by all four of her limbs.If you havn't seen this little hidden gem yet and want to avoid any spoilers I would suggest you stop reading now, go watch the film pronto and come back.
To Ricky's and the viewer's disgust, J.T. decides to use this poor girl as his sex toy, as it turns out this girl is actually alive, some sort of zombie who cannot be killed, for his amusement J.T. has tried numerous times to no avail. We all know how special and unforgettable the first time is, but J.T takes this obsession and possession of the girl ( Spain ) to the extreme, actually moving in and living among the stench of death and decay of the dead girl. J.T.'s world now consists of drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and having sex with this girl when ever he desires. He is the king of his own little world. His friend Ricky is also involved in his own little fantasy world as he dreams of having a relationship with Joann, something that just isn't going to happen.
The acting by all involved is quite convincing, delivering believable dialogues that audiences can relate to without the need for an urban dictionary. Ricky is the under dog who you want to cheer for and hope he wins the girl in the end, but J. T. just takes his obsession too far and is loathed for it.
Just like real life, the friendship of two long time friends is shattered when a girl comes between them, even when she is dead. Jenny Spain who plays the dead girl is magnificent, displaying a wide range of emotions with only the occasional growl. Her eyes saying everything that need to be said, showing anger and frustration to pity and shame when being violated by those who felt they needed to prove their masculinity.
The film makers do an excellent job of making the audience feel of disgust and an apathy towards the dead girl much like how The River's Edge also did. The Dead Girl had me thinking of this film as it shares some similarities, but is even more disturbing as it is based on true events. I highly recommend a viewing of that film also.
This is by no means a pornographic picture, there is however a naked girl shown throughout the film. If the sight of breasts and pubic hair offend you , I feel sorry for you. For those who won't be offended, you are in for quite the ride.
My Final Thought: There is a couple of cheap scare tactics used by the film makers, but over all this is a disturbing glimpse into the minds of our so called future.
My Rating: Four Go Go Girls Out of Five

Brainiac

Directed by : Chano Urueta
Starring : Abel Salazar, Ariadna Welter, David Silva


Wow, I'm not quite sure what to make of this one. Was I entertained? You bet ya, but with it's bizarre sleaziness perhaps a timid audience of 1961 may have found this to be more horrorfying, but I'm sure most viewers today would probably shrug it off as another black and white B movie. The lack of true scares, disturbing images, offending or gross out scenes would disappoint the modern horror viewer but still contained a gothic look that I appreciated. With it's weak attempts at dark humour like the dim witted police officer who recieves his order of calf brains after learning about victims having their brains sucked out of their skulls. There is probably more of the unintentional comedic moments, thanks to the lackluster script, sub par acting, direction and the not so special effects. The dialogue also contributes greatly to the over all comedic tone but to be fair the copy  of the DVD I watched was dubbed and contained no sub titles.
 The film begins in the 17th century where Baron Vitelius is being served a list as long as his arm of the various crimes he has committed including witchcraft. The Mexican Inquisition has sentenced him to be burned at the stake. It turns out this Baron is in possession of some incredible powers, he magically wills the shackles of the ball and chain from his own body  onto a pair of inquisitors, but then walks calmly to his own execution! As the flames closes in, the night sky brings forth a strange  looking and poorly animated comet. Baron Vitelius vows to return in three hundred years and have his revenge against the inquisitor's descendants. Flash forward to the swingin' sixties where we hook up with Ronnie and Vicky, a young couple who would rather hang out with a kooky astronomer then be  with their friends at a night club. It turns out that tonight is the night for that crappy animated comet's return. And with the comet back in Mexico we see the return of the Baron who can now transform into a freaky devilish looking creature with pincer like hands and a forked tongue. It's with this tongue that he will suck the brains of his victims from the back of their necks. And just in case of an emergency, he keeps extra brains locked in a cabinet, his secret stash .
So yeah if you are looking for some bizarre entertainment, try this one. But if you want to be truly scared witless you'll need to look elsewhere.

My Thoughts : As the DVD case states , this is a bizarre film.

My Rating : 3 Go Go Girls Out of  5

Beast of Blood ( 1971 )

Directed by Eddie Romero
Starring John Ashley, Celeste Yarnell, Eddie Garcia, Liza Belmonte, Beverly Miller


This is not a good movie in the sense of a good story, good acting, good dialogue, good lighting, dubbing, make up,etc... But I enjoyed it never the less, but for all the wrong reasons. This is another one of those films where it is so bad, it's good. The charm lies in the fact  the film makers may have had limited skills and talents but a heart full of passion and believed they were making an honest to God  quality product regardless of the low budget these film makers had to work with. Edward D. Wood's Plan Nine from Outer Space immediately comes to mind.
Eddie Romero, no relation to George as this movie easily testifies is the director of numerous Filipino horror films and cranks out yet another with this um interesting sequel to Mad Doctor of Blood Island. Which  I'm still debating whether I'll go out of my way to seek out, though maybe it will help clarify some of the things I just saw, then again probably not.
Professor Bill Foster (Ashley) is aboard an ocean liner, having just left Blood Island when the ship is attacked by the chloroform man.( Having not seen the first movie, I learned this from the DVD extras. I encourage all movie watchers to do the same as there is always some sort of cool insight to the films ) When the ship explodes , everyone is killed except for Foster who survives only to later return back to Blood Island. But this time he is accompanied by a good looking blond Myra ( Yarnell ) a photographer who takes pictures like she has never held a camera in her life before.  After having been greeted by a group of island natives Foster, Myra, the ship's captain ( Miller ) and the viewers wallow around through some dull moments until Myra is kidnapped by Dr. Lorca ( Garcia ) an evil scientist, I think it must have been mandatory at one time for every film with an uncharted island, to add an evil scientist. Lorca is conducting experiments of the most heineous kind. ( is there any other type ? ).
With Myra in the clutches of Dr. Lorca, actually it looks more like she was on vacation, having meals served to her, always nicely dressed in the latest fashions of the island she looked quite compfortable there.Foster , the captain and a hand full of natives set out for Myra's rescue, with Laida ( Belmonte ) as the guide. Leaving the small group behind Foster and Laida go on ahead alone,  the group is to bring back enforcment as they close in on Lorca's highly guarded , fortified compound. That night Laida reveals her feelings towards Foster and we get to see us some melons native to the island, but Foster puts the brakes on as he has feelings for Myra, this totally came out of left field as there was no indication , all they did was bickered among each other, oh well.
With the film now half over and no grusome gore in sight unless you count the chloroform man's decapitated head sitting in a bowl kept alive by various wires. Finally there it was in all it's washed out colour glory, Dr. Lorca removing the head from an unwilling donor. He was actually  lacking the skills of a surgeon,  more like a butcher hacking away at the flesh like it was the choice cut of the day.

As far as the acting goes this wasn't the greatest but this is a low budget movie and you do get what you pay for. The character of Myra is sort of an unnecessry character, having been kidnapped to lure Professor Foster to Dr. Lorca, hmm he knew Foster cared for Myra before the audience did, interesting. Lorca wanted Foster's help but apparently all he needed to do was ask. So basically Myra is just a love interest for Foster, but she does look scrumptious in those outfits.
So your'e probably asking yourself where did I find the enjoyment from this film? Well I had a blast  with everything I have already previously mentioned. Plus the nit picking of the technical mistakes such as guns and rifles being fired and then  hearing an extra shot on the sound track. You have to admire hand grenades being tossed at grass huts, landing and exploding outside yet the doors blow outwards. How about  people after being shot and fallen to the ground then having blood violently exit their bodies .What about the head in the bowl , one scene it is in it, the next scene the bowl is missing. I'm confident there are other scenes like these to be found, and that is why I'll be watching this again in the near future.

My Final Thought: I'm really starting to appreciate these low budget, so bad  they're good  type films. With a new can of worms opened it gives me plenty more films to watch.
My Rating: Three Go Go Girls out of Five

The Stink of Flesh ( 2005 )

Directed by: Scott Phillips
Starring: Kurly Tlapoyawa, Ross Kelley, Diva, Kristin Hansen

Once you get past the mediocre acting and the low budget this is a very entertaining film in a trashy, sick and twisted kind of way. If you enjoy zombie flicks as much as I do, and looking for something a little different then this just may be up your alley.
 Another apocalyptic world has been over taken by zombies, at least in the deserts of New Mexico anyway,we are introduced to Matool who prefers to do his zombie killing with a hammer and spikes. Fleeing from the latest attack, he is struck by a pickup. Waking from unconciousness he finds himself bound and in the box of the truck. Arriving at his abductor's house Matool  learns a young creepy boy has also been brought along, having been saved from the zombie attack. Nathan has brought Matool home for his wife Dexy. The pair lead an alternative life style, Dexy enjoys having sex with other men and Nathan likes to watch, and it's becoming more difficult to find people to bring home since the outbreak of the zombie virus. Seems the title has a bit of a double innuendo.
This film was shot on a micro budget, but with so many bizarre scenes scattered throughout you're not going to care. One such scene involves Matool getting it on with Dexy as her sisters Sassy and Dorothy ( think Duane and Belial from Basketcase ) sneak into the room and try to beat Matool's bare ass with a piece of Hot Wheels race track. And Nathan not to be outdone has his own little groove going on, out in the back shed he keeps a naked, hot looking zombie chick shackled up. But he says he just looks at her, yeah right. Things really start to heat up when a trio of military personell arrive and one of them has just been the main entree of a zombie buffet. Mean while that creepy kid wanders around the house and just quietly observes.
The zombie make up is borrowed from the style Savini applied to his walking dead consumerists in Romero's Dawn of the Dead. A blue coloured grease paint that some actors had unfortunately sweated off from certain areas of their bodies. There is plenty of gore, blood splattering,intestinal pulling and gut munching effects that would make larger  budgeted movies envious.
There  is plenty of dark humour peppered within but also many laugh out loud moments such as a scene at the breakfast table when Dexy is serving up the plates and she apologizes that there are no eggs, the zombies ate their chicken. Being a film about about an alternative life style the soundtrack contributes greatly, a nice mixture of alternative songs throughout, some reminding me of stuff you may hear in a Tarantino or Rodriguez film.
I highly recommend this film to anyone  who isn't too easily offended. There is a little nudity as expected given  the subject matter but nothing overly graphic. This movie even has Leatherface's niece Kristin Hansen in it, besides what other movie is going to have a character stop and take the time to analye zombie poop?

My Final Thought : Get out there and  watch this, you'll have fun.
My Rating:Four Go Go Girls Out of Five

Fright Night (2011)

                                                                                                                                                                                 
When am I going to learn? The Mona Lisa is not going to be getting any remakes or reimagings any time soon. So why bother trying on another type of classic?

O.K. first of all,this film wasn't as bad as I first feared. Don't get me wrong, it is still no where near as good as the 1985 original version directed by Tom Holland but it does have it's moments of inventiveness.

The 1980's produced some of the genre's best loved films many becoming iconic and in turn giving birth to prolific franchises, such as Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and The Evil Dead to name three.Unfortunately Fright Night's sequel didn't fare as well at the box office, probably due to the fact that only Roddy McDowell and William Ragsdale were the only two original cast members to return.

Fright Night the remake or re-vision , what are they calling these things now a days ? For this viewer, a lot of the elements that made the original so endearing were sadly  omitted in this re haul. To me it's not just  what has been changed, either for the better or the worse but what the film makers have done away with. They've tried to compensate with some other ideas that are not always successful. For instance one of the best scenes in the original, plays on the idea of the vampire lore that a member of the blood suckers union can not enter your home unless he is invited in by the owner. Charlie believes himself untouchable from the undead Jerry Dandridge,  his mother unaware of Jerry's true nature has invited him into their house. Charlie is asked to come down stairs so he can meet  some company. As  Charlie approaches  the sofa chair, we see the gnarled fingers of a hand tapping on the chair's arm , the visitor anticipating the shock and surprise that will come to Charlie. Now able to enter his house as he pleases, Jerry later shows up in Charlie's bedroom and terrorizes him to no end, even roughing him up a little. The newer but not necessarily improved version has Jerry wanting to borrow some beer from Charley's mother ( Collette ).  Waiting for an invitation to enter their home, Jerry hovers at the door's threshold but an invite never comes. Colin Farrell's character of Jerry Dandridge comes across more of a creepy sexual predator as he warns Charley he should be concerned about the safety of his mother and girlfriend. Chris Sarandon who makes a surprise cameo appearance here, played the original Jerry Dandridge. He played the role more traditional, seducing his victims until they surrendered themselves to him, be it Charlie's girlfriend Amy or his best friend Evil Ed. Farrell's vampire keeps his victims in captivity until his next feeding. I suppose this is to keep the fans of the torture porn like films feel more at home. What  about the vampire's power to seduce, the scene where Jerry seduces Amy (Poots ) on the dance floor was weak and unconvincing. Compared to the powerful performance in the original, this looks like Amy had been given a dose of date rape drug.

Other things I would have liked to see in this revamping include Jerry's transformation into that ferocious bat like demon creature, I love that kind of shit. The Renfield character of Billy Cole, a missed opportunity for the writers to help explain how Jerry could excavate his basement of tons of dirt in a matter of days. And the possibility to explain the holding cells inside a secret closet. I'm sure the previous owners had no reasons for the makeshift holding cells through a secret panel at the back of the closet. Speaking about closets , this would have been an opportunity to  expand the are they friends or lovers aspect of their relationship that was started in the original. But you can't without a Billy Cole.
In this 2011 version Charley ( Yelchin ) and Ed ( Mintz- Plasse ) are no longer best friends, the two have had a falling out. Charley has a hot girlfriend, Amy ( Poots ) and is now hanging out with what the writer's thought is the answer for today's cool kids. Ed is still an obnoxious tool, but unlike  Stephen Geoffries who brought an eccentric flare to the role of Evil Ed, Mintz-Plasse adds very little to a once interesting character. I find Mintz-Plasse brings the same geeky but cock sure life to all of his characters, my favourite by far is The Red Mist from the film Kick Ass. Ed is now the one to inform Charley that his new neighbour, Jerry  is a vampire, a creature of the night. The dialogue has diminished Ed to a potty mouth, second rate character that you won't miss until he shows up again as one of Jerry's undead minions. The film makers don't even bother to try that great transformation of Ed into the wolf creature that literally brought a tear to your eye when you witnessed the pain and sorrow it suffered as it lay dying at the hands of Peter Vincent.
The character Peter Vinent who was named after the great actors  Peter Cushing and Vincent Price who is now portrayed by David Tennant shows none of the charm associated with the two thespians. This Peter Vincent is a joke, written off  as a pathetic, heavy drinking coward constantly bickering with his girlfriend/assisstant. Peter performs a magic act at one of the many theaters on the Las Vegas strip. He  looks like a Criss Angel, Russell Brand hybrid type magician. The original Peter Vincent was a host of a late night horror film program, titled Fright Night.
Believing Peter Vincent could help with his vampire problem, Charley poses as a news reporter and sneaks into a rehersal of Vincent's act Fright Night, a performance dealing with vampires and the occult. Trying to persuade the non believer magician to help slay Jerry the vampire. Charley even has detailed sketches and notes of the vampire's lair, when after breaking into Jerry's house to make a daring rescue attempt of  a neighbourhood resident. Why would the writers have the story take place in a city like Vegas where thousands of people come and go on a daily basis and then have Jerry feed off his own neighbourhood?
Peter Vincent is a coward and an imposter, hiding behind fake hair, tatoos and a bottle of hard liquer he scampers like a little scaredy cat to the elevator for safety when trouble comes a calling. To be fair Peter does show  signs of redemption towards the film's end.
I'm not sure why but Hollywood insists on some kind of explosion in their movies and this is no exception as Jerry blows up the Brewster's place of residence. A car chase also ensues  causing more carnage of metal on metal. I 'd say the writing is  the weak link of the chain for this Fright Night giving the actors one dimesional and sterotypical characters to work with. Saying this I believe most of the actors put in a decent effort considering  the material given them. Director Craig Gillespie who helmed the hidden gem Lars and the real Girl has proven he is no flash in the pan but may not be suitable for the horror genre. Perhaps one day he will try his hand again at the genre with a better written script. Unlike the original, this opening scene lacks a proper build up, showing a family violently murdered and the audience is thrown into a world where vampires do exist as compared to a world of a possibilty of their existance. The original version plays on the fact that Charlie loves horror films and has an over active imagination, creating suspense for the audience as we are not sure if Charlie is seeing what he says he is seeing.
The final confrontation with Jerry the vampire was a little anti climatic for my tastes. It was wrapped up inside a nice little bundle I like to call " convenient ". A special stake was used  to destroy the nocturnal neighbour and return his victims back to their former human  lives.

My Final Thoughts: Some good may come of this, the original Fright Night and it's sequel Fright Night 2 may finally be released on Blu Ray
My Rating: Two Go Go Girls Out of Five

Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks ( 1974 )

Directed by : Dick Randall
Starring: Luciano Pigozzi,Rossano Brazzi, Michael Dunn, Xiro Pappas, Eric Mann,Simonetta Vitelli, Christane Rucker

Man, talk about your train wrecks. This movie was so bad in so many ways but like a train wreck I couldn't take my eyes from it. I enjoyed the hell out of it.

I suppose this would be a film I could say it's so bad that it is actually good in a fun unforgiving kind of way. The first scene opens  with a bang, even before the credits roll an angry mob is trying to take down a neanderthal man, but he will have none of that as he hurls Styrofoam rocks at them. The mob finally gets the best of him and he is hand delivered to the castle of Count Frankenstein. Yeah I know and you know , Dracula is the Count And Dr. Frankenstein is a Baron but apparently these film makers didn't know this. Anyways our good doctor is determined to bring life back to this ape of a man, whom the doctor christens Goliath.

Elsewhere the employees of Frankenstein are busy doing a little grave robbing, at first I wasn't quite sure why this scene was even filmed other than to show the occupant of the coffin having her breast fondled by Genz a sex starved midget, because we don't see to much of her again. I'll touch more on this scene a little later.

Elsewhere, you'll probably read this word quite  a bit  as the editing was just horrendous, the action and scenes jump all over the place. So elsewhere Frankenstein's daughter Maria and her fiancee Eric are arriving to the castle to be married. With them is Maria's best friend Krista, which the Count takes a shine to. Showing her his secret laboratory and experiments, she has a passion for science, she meets Goliath who also has taken a shine to Krista,everybody has taken a shine to her so when she and Maria give each other a mud bath I was hoping she would also have taken a shine to her,wink. wink.
Elsewhere we learn Kreegan a hunchback is getting his wick burned by Han's wife, Hans is the Count's man servant of the castle, Kreegan works in the kitchen along with Han's wife, got that? This is turning into a real Gothic soap opera here. This Italian, Spanish collaboration throws in everything but the kitchen sink, actually it may just be in there somewhere as we have something to please everyone. Neanderthals and midgets doing voyeurism, a midget performing necrophelia, girl on girl mud baths,nudity and the list goes on.
And finally elsewhere Kreegan discovers Goliath has escaped from his restraints, thanks to Genz, the little worm who is planning revenge against Count Frankenstein for wrongful dismissal. The Count terminated his employment after the police found his tiny foot print at the grave sight. Oh, that was why this scene was in here,for plot development. The whole thing comes to a lacklustre climax as an angry mob chases Goliath into a cave as he becomes the misunderstood  monster who is blamed for the murder of a village girl.
This is the sleazy, shlockey kind of Euro trash that  takes the liberties of the 1970's and exploits them to the fullest.

My Final thought: I really enjoyed the old school cliches  from the older gothic horror films such as the swirling smoke coming out of the laboratory's beakers, test tubes etc.. And the use of secret levers to enter the lab.
My Rating: On a technical level, One Go Go Girl Out of Five
                  On my enjoyment of it's sleaze factor and cheesiness, Three Go Go Girls Out of Five

Stake Land

Directed by Jim Mickle
Starring Conner Paolo, Nick Damici, Kelly McGillis, Daniell Harris


The good old U S of A has finally gone to Hell in a hand basket in this dark nihilist apocalyptic vision of writer/director Jim Mickle and writer/ actor Nick Damici. The team of Mickle and Damici paint a bleak and desperate picture of a broken down country with no government or legal systems enforced. Society has abandoned this once great nation where the only law is kill or be killed.
The war in the Middle East is over, the East has been decimated as the result of a plague. We are not told if this is the work of biological warfare, chemical warfare or something bigger like, maybe of biblical proportions. Out from the plague, spawns an evil, vampires have taken over the country. Homes become abandoned or converted to over sized coffins for those who decide to take their own lives. Roads and highways become desolate except for the dead bodies of vamps and humans littering the road sides.
Stake Land is not the first time  Mickle and Damici have collaborated on a film. Back in 2006 the impressive Mulberry Street made it's debut as part of the 8 Films to Die For , Horror Festival. Mulberry Street shares the theme of a hostile take over but on a much smaller scale.A group of New Yorkers band together  to prevent their apartment building from being taken over by mutated rat like zombies. It's pretty scary stuff.
Stake Land will not gain any points for originality, I did see influences from Richard Matheson's I am legend to George Romero's zombie trilogy to most recently both The Road and Zombieland. But still all I can say is wow what an extraordinary piece of story telling, everything just gels making this one of my favourites of the year so far.
Teen ager Martin (Paolo) has just witnessed the slaughter of his family including a newborn infant by a nasty looking vampire, any movie  with a violent death  towards a baby and you know all bets are off, as I found myself wondering how far and what direction the film makers would take this beast.Rescued by Mister, the newly orphaned Martin is taken under the wing of the much older and experienced vampire hunter. Mister who is portrayed by co writer Nick Damici reminds me of a Charles Bronson type . One who is minimal with his actions and words but very tough and cool and doesn't tolerate any bullshit when his life is on the line. Mister teaches Martin the skills he will need to survive a world overshadowed by creatures of the night.
This is a road movie , and the two protagonists head north to New Eden as Canada is now christened. No vamps have been spotted there. Making their way north they save Sister ( McGillis ) a nun who has been beaten and  possibly raped by a pair of members of a left wing extremist religious group, The Brotherhood. This will not be the last time they will deal with this fanatic religious cult. Other members of their make shift family will include a young pregnant teen ( Harris ) and Willie a young black soldier just returning from the war in the Middle East. All these characters are brought to life by competent acting, you will  empathize with the  characters and fear for them as they challenge the situations thrown upon them. This is no stroll through an amusement park, and no teen aged girl in her right mind would want to date one of these vamps.
Given the current events in the world it's not difficult  to compare the religious extremists of the Middle East to that of the film's The Brotherhood whom brings terrorism to areas thought to be safe havens ,by dropping vamps from hovering helicopters. The scene of the two extremist beating  and potentially raping the nun could represent the religions of the East not respecting the religious ways of the West.

My Final Thoughts: Unlike Zombieland which occasionally went for the odd funny bone, Stake Land opts for the throat. It takes itself and it's subject matter dead serious. A triumph of good story telling over budget. And then there is the brilliant score by Jeff Grace.

My Rating: Five Go Go Girls Out of Five

Frankenstein Created Woman

Directed by Terence Fisher
Starring Peter Cushing, Thorley Walters, Susan Denberg, Robert Morris


I believe that even the lower budget films produced by the Hammer film studios are still twice as good as half the horror films being unleashed from Hollywood today. This film included. Peter Cushing stars as Baron Frankenstein who always brings creditability to his roles as he takes his roles seriously. Plus he is just a fun actor to watch.
With a doctor and his assistant at hand Baron Frankenstein has just completed his latest experiment, discovering the soul is still alive even after the body passes. The assistant Hans is sent to the local tavern for a bottle of champagne to bring back for a celebration. Once there he witnesses the humiliation of his lady friend Christina at the hands of three rich Victorian era punks. Christina suffers from paralysis to the left side of her body, and a facial scar mars her face which she tries to cover with her hair. The three droogs tease and torment her until Hans can't take any more and a fist fight ensues. Later that night a murder occurs and Hans is arrested, sentenced and ordered to the guillotine just like his father, as a boy Hans witnessed this. The circle of death continues when Christina catches sight of Hans beheading and she herself commits suicide. The Baron and his doctor friend portrayed by Thorley Walters who always adds a certain comedic charm to his roles, end up with both bodies of Hans and Christina. The motion is set for the next chapter of their experiment, which brings Christina back to life as a beautiful blonde bombshell without her limp or facial scar. At the time Christina is questioning her background about where she came from and who is she ?  The three punks that had terrorized her are now being sexually enticed one at a time to their own deaths.
This is a good looking film with high production values considering the low budget it was probably attached with. The sets are minimal, but along with costumes, vehicles and props all look impressive. Director Terence Fisher brings a sense of pessimism, hopelessness and death to the over all tone of the film especially with the ominous look of that damn guillotine one has to pass going into or leaving the town.
All of the actors do an admirable job, the audience likes the characters that are supposed to be liked and loathe the ones intended to be hated. Hans was an especially interesting if not frustrating character who could have literally saved his own head, but his love and honour towards Christina would not allow him to divulge his alibi, he was doing the horizontal tango with her during the murder.

My Final Thoughts : This one is definitely worth the watch as Hammer tries something a little different with the Frankenstein franchise.
My Rating: Three and a half Go Go Girls out of Five

The Frankenstein Syndrome

Directed by Sean Tretta
Starring Tiffany Shepis, Ed Lauter, Louis Mandylor, Scott Anthony Leet

This is not a great film although it does have it's moments. An interesting interpretation of the Mary Shelley's famous novel, but had more in common with Herbert West than Frankenstein as a serum was used to bring life back to the dead. The film's main plot has Elizabeth Banks being interviewed by F.B.I. agents Woolstonecraft and Godwin ( nudge, nudge, wink, wink ) with Elizabeth narrating into their video camera. This is one of the faults I have with this picture, I find it odd that she is able to relate the actions and conversations of others when she wasn't even present, nit picking I know but it removed me from totally indulging myself into the story. Another thing I was bothered with was the aspect that director/ writer Sean Tretta approached regarding the heavy religious overtones towards the creature as a Christ like figure. I'm not an overly religious person, just thought a little more subtlety may have worked, less is more sometimes especially when water is turned into fruit punch, Whales did it better.
Tiffany Shepis plays a hot young scientist hired onto a secret organization to experiment with the human healing process using stem cell research. Too bad no one questions where these stem cells are coming from.
The best thing about this film is the performance of Scott Anthony Leet who plays the "monster" sans make up. He makes for a chilling creature that has lived, died and now reborn, with the need to relearn everything all over again. This performance alone is worth at least one watch of the film.


My Final Thoughts: No nudity, little gore but there are worse films out there.
My Rating: Two Go Go Girls out of Five

Insidious

Directed by : James Wan
Starring : Rose Byrne, Patrick Wilson, Ty Simkins, Lin Shaye
              Barbara Hershey, Angus Sampson, Leigh Whannell

Do you remember waking up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat, heart pounding and disoriented in the darkness from a nightmare, the result of some old black and white horror film. You know the one, where everyone is warned to  stay out  of  the attic  or was it the basement ? where something evil is lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to get to know you better.

Unfortunately insidious isn't the movie to make one curl up into a fetal position whimpering for your mommy but does offer a few chills and creepy moments to register a reading on the old creep o meter. I applaud the efforts of the film makers for going back to a time before everyone who attempted to make a horror film were just interested in making money with a franchise, back to the roots of the early horror film, the haunted house.

Film makers director James Wan and writer/actor Leigh Whannell who may be credited or blamed  for the recent torture porn phase with their film debut of Saw switch gears and opt for a more aneroid approach. By the way, the Saw  films hold the Guinness book of world records for the most monies earned as a movie franchise.

A young couple and their three children have just moved into their new home, adjusting  to the new house and still trying to unpack the many boxes that clutter their living space. Shortly strange occurrences begin to happen,books fall from shelves, storage boxes go missing  and turn up in unusual places,  strange voices are heard broadcasting over the baby's monitor. The oldest boy Dalton ( Simkins ) is led to the attic by a strange noise, in the dark he falls off a ladder trying to turn on a light , no serious harm seems to have been done. The next morning he doesn't awaken and has apparently fallen into a coma. A mystery that has the doctors baffled, unable to help they send Dalton back home to a life of being monitored by machines.

With Dalton back home more spooky going ons begin and strange  phantoms are becoming more frequent. Even Dalton's younger brother is being creeped out by his comatose sibling. After a very close encounter of the unknown, mom( Byrne ) is convinced the house is haunted and persuades her school teacher husband ( Wilson ) it's time to relocate  again. As the evil grows stronger within the house, the relationship between the aspiring song writer and the teacher deteriorates. He can not deal with the horrors at home and pretends he is needed at school. Settling into , yet another new house the strange phenomenas begin to happen again.

I don't want to say too much more about the plot, as this is something a little different especially if you've never seen Poltergeist or The Entity before. Like Poltergeist the supernatural events start out slow, almost playful like, but make no doubt about it, the unnatural forces of Insidious is evil  most foul. An interesting choice of casting Barbara Hershey in the role of Lorraine Lambert who starred in The Entity, her dialogue even has her using the word entity once or twice.

This is a decent enough film but the similarities with Poltergeist run  parallely close of a lost  child in need of retrieval from another world. The assistance of a parapsychologist Elise Rainer ( Shaye ) and her team  of Tucker ( Sampson ) and Specs ( Whannell ) mirror that of Tangina's aid to the Freelings of  the 1982 film Poltergeist. Insidious does have it's moments unfortunately it is only moments as the formulaic tactics of jump scares and loud noises don't stay with you.

My Final Thought: See my final thought for The Entity.

My Rating: Three Go Go Girls Out Of  Five.

The Entity

Directed by Sidney J. Furie

Starring Barbara Hershey,Ron Silver,Jaquline Brooks,David Lablosa,George Coe,Margaret Blye,Alex Rocco

The first time I saw this film , I was a lot younger and unappreciative of how scary this truly is. I remember Barbara Hershey's breasts being squeezed and fondled by an invisible hand and being in awe of an unseen phantom getting to second base. I also wondered to myself how this unique special effect was brought to  the screen.

This is a fascinating film based on  a true story of the super natural as it unravels , not in a Gothic mansion in the deep south or a decrepit , broken down castle somewhere in the European mountains. This story takes place in sunny Los Angeles. Carla Moran( Hershey ) is a single mother of three, teen age son Bill, and two young girls Kim and Julie. Carla works hard to make ends meet, she is even trying to better herself by taking a typing course at night school. When we are first introduced to Carla we see her going through the motions of working and then off to night school and finally making her way home , it's late, dinner plates still on the table and the girls asleep in their room.Bill out in the garage working away on some project, he sees himself as the man of the house. Carla is everything to these three kids which adds to the horror of the events that we will witness.

 One night as Carla is preparing for bed, out of nowhere she is violently struck across the mouth causing her lip to bleed  repeatedly attacked and raped by some sort of unseen force. Fleeing the house Carla and her children spend the night at her friend Cindy's apartment. Early the next morning Cindy's unsympathetic husband shows his disdain causing Carla and her family to return back to their home.

Carla seems to attract the attention of men with an agenda for ill disputes and their own personal demons. Carla ran away from home when she was sixteen years old  after  her father,a minister became a little too friendly towards her. Carla's mother knew what was going on but refused to do anything about it. Shortly after moving out she  gives birth to her son Bill. Bill's father begins to abuse drugs and alcohol and finally becomes abusive towards Carla. She is a beautiful woman, single but caring mother who loves her children dearly but has made some bad decisions with her choice of men. Could this be the reason for this "Entity " to be attracted to Carla? She is a good person and you want to wish her happiness with a good man, personally I found myself rooting for the psychiatrist that was recommended by her friend Cindy. Carla deserves someone successful, handsome, somebody unlike the previous men in her life.

Even her current boy friend Jerry Anderson ( Rocco ) is never truly there for her, as he is a traveling salesman and spends a great deal of time on the road. Jerry must be one helluva salesman though,apparently Carla bought his sales pitch. Jerry comes across like a sleazeball and we can't put our trust into him, unfortunately Rocco's  typecasting has seen him play this  kind  of character many times in his career.Even Carla joins us in our doubts when Jerry promises her everything will be better when he is promoted and will no longer need to travel.

Whenever Jerry does return back home from the road for the last time, he brings Carla a present, a piece of sexy lingerie. O.K. guys, we all know when a guy gives his better half some satin and lace it's not for her but for himself. A sign of Jerry's selfishness perhaps. His true colours show when he is in the bathroom prepping himself for a night of passion with the lovely Carla. With his exit from the bathroom and into the bedroom he witnesses first hand the rape of his girl friend by the unseen Entity, and it proves too much for this shallow man. In his defence, any male would be devastated to see his wife, girlfriend or daughter violated like that,one can only imagine the emotions racing through your mind, but again when a doctor exclaims  that Carla will need him, Jerry whimpers " I can't, I can't". Like he was the only person to deal with the horror, what a wuss.

Another man in Carla's life during her violent attacks was Dr. Phil Sneiderman ( Silver ). With her painful previous experiences with the men in her life she needs to be able to trust this one.Sneiderman presented himself as someone who showed compassion towards Carla and genuinely  one who could put an end to her unseen attacker.As it turns out Dr. Phil  is an asshole,he wants to treat Carla's poltergeist entity as a mental illness and even going as far to suggest she is suffering from sexual frustration due to wanting sexual relations with her own teen aged son, Billy.

Looking elsewhere  for a solution to put an end to her attacks , she hooks up with a team of ghost hunters from the local university, the same school where Dr. Phil attends. The parapsychologists set up a replica of Carla's house inside the university's auditorium with hopes of capturing the Entity. During one of these experiments Dr. Phil makes an appearance for one last plea to Carla  to leave the ghost hunters and return for his help. Science vs. the supernatural. I believe the doctor had become obsessed with Carla, but not sure of the reason he was there. Was it because he was falling in love with her or more of his own egotistical determination to convince her it really is all in her head. And prove that he was right all along.

As the tanks of liquid helium or was it nitrogen tanks explode causing the fake Moran house to be engulfed in flames, with Carla  trapped inside, Dr. Phil rushes into the burning building to rescue Carla, does he finally see something unnatural, beyond our world ?

My Final Thought: Where do you go? When it's you and not your house that is haunted. As the end credits read Carla moved from Los Angelos to Texas but the attacks continued, though  not as violent and less frequent.  I can't stop thinking about another film that was recently produced, Insideous. With similer themes at least the film makers had the  decency to cast Barbara Hershey in a  small role.

My Rating: Four Go Go Girls out of Five

Hobo With A Shotgun

Directed by Jason Eisner

Starring Rutger Hauer, Brian Downey, Molly Dunsworth, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman, Robb Wells

Back in 2007 sitting in a multiplex theater  which are now popping up in  towns with  any sort of significant population. I sat in a clean seat, in a row with a non- sticky floor eating a frozen yogurt, as Dolby  surround sound fills the auditorium. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's ode to 1970's exploitation films, Grindhouse was lighting up the screen, their experiment to take the audience back to a time when a city's theater would show anything. Blaxploitation, rape- revenge, martial arts, and horror films would play as prostitutes, winos and druggies did their thing. I found this to be ironic as I picked up my mega size drink with a free refill from the cup friendly chair, but still found the movie entertaining. A highlight for me was the fake  trailers between  the two features, Edgar Wright's " Don't", who is best known for directing " Shaun of the Dead" and " Hot Fuzz". Cabin Fever and Hostel's Eli Roth did the faux trailer "Thanksgiving". Machete has since been made into a feature film by Rodriguez, while Rob Zombie's " Werewolf Women of the SS" is in talks of being made into a feature. Another fake trailer shown was Hobo with a Shotgun, it also looked cool, but unknown to me at the time this was the winning entry of a contest that was held for aspiring film makers to do their own fake trailers. Lo and behold a young Canadian from Halifax, Nova Scotia winds up winning , Jason Eisner.

The minute our Hobo friend ( Hauer ) rides into Hopeville, rechristened Scumville by the uncivilized , law breaking citizens this picture screams out Eisner's love for exploitation films. With his choice of the opening credits, the music, and the use of Tenichcolour which was so vibrant I felt like I needed to wear my sunglasses. Spaghetti Westerns, rape - revenge, vigilante and an educational lesson on bears, it's all here. The pacing is fairly quick and wastes no time getting to the first sequence of carnage, which there are many. Gore hounds will be satisfied by the display of  the wet stuff. Drake ( Downey) the  big  boss mobster along with his two sons Slick and Ivan own and run Hopeville. When we are first introduced to the family with a bad case of assholism running through their genes, they are preparing to kill their uncle Logan ,Drake's brother ( Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys ) in what appears to me to be an updated version from the exploitation film " Thriller, They call her One eye". If you haven't seen this Swedish delight, you must check it out. There is an unrated version with explicit sex scenes, but does not propel the plot.

Anyway back to Hobo, it doesn't take long for our hero to discover what kind of Hell hole the rails has brought him to . After averting the potential rape from one of  Drake's sons with sweet mannered prostitute Abby ( Dunsworth ) she and Hobo become friends and  enter a businesss relationship  together. After all he just wants to buy a lawn mower from the local pawn shop and cut some grass. But this dream will crash and burn when thugs decide to hold up the pawn shop on the day Hobo had planned to make his life changing purchase. Eyeing a shotgun on the shelf, he picks up the weapon and begins to deliver justice one shell at a time.

Hobo with a shotgun is a mean spirited movie with it's long list of despicable characters like the low life  scum sucker that enjoys video taping bums fighting in the streets and other acts of degradation, such as paying hobos money to eat shards of broken glass. Scumville has it all I tell ya, naked women beating on a victim strung up by his feet dangling from the ceiling like a pinata, a pedophile Santa and one of the more unpleasant scenes a bus full of  school kids are barbecued alive. Even the police are corrupted, there is no hope in Hopeville. Mean spirited, yes but having said that this is helluva lot of fun. How serious can one take a movie where a head is yanked off from it's body and a bikini clad bimbo gets off showering in the bloody geyser erupting from the neck. Most of the characters are cliches and come across like live action cartoons but this unspools admirably as Rutger Hauer plays the Hobo straight, serious and with total conviction.

Drake becomes more concerned with each daily headline detailing the vigilante hobo's war against crime, until ultimately the Plague is called in for extreme termination. The Plague are a couple of medieval armour wearing, motor cycle riding Angels of death who would'nt look out of place jousting in George Romero's rarely seen gem " Knightriders".

With Abby held hostage, a bloody confrontation explodes between Hobo and just about everyone else who is still alive when our rail riding friend declares enough is enough.

My Final Thought: I'm curious to see what project the young Eisner will tackle next. Hopefully he won't get caught up with the big studios wanting to waste his talents on some sort of a remake, but that does seem to be the norm these days. Whatever he decides,I'm anxiously waiting for the announcement.

My Rating: Four Go Go Girls out of Five.

Legacy of Blood

Directed by Carl Monson

" There's a ham in the refrigerator " and plenty of hams acting in this uneven picture of a group of heirs who are reunited for the reading of a will. Christopher  Dean ( Carradine ) a crusty, mean old man has passed away. His unappreciated adult children and their spouses along with the two servants and the groundskeeper of the mansion have gathered together,waiting for the arrival of a lawyer.
Each of the persons in attendance are entitled to inheirit a certain amount of money, provided they remain in the mansion for the remaining week. Upset with the conditions that have been made, everyone makes do , until one by one the inheiritors are being knocked off. As another stipulation of the will stated that in the event someone also passes away , their share of the inheiritance shall be divided among the living.
There was plenty of weirdness in this low budget film, from the incestuous siblings to the groundskeeper who had made himself a bed side table lamp from a Nazi soldier he killed in the war. And you just have to love the  Mel Brooks look alike , Igor who enjoys the beatings at the end of Christopher Dean's cane. I can't believe Carradine is billed top star in this mish mash  of shoddy entertainment. He may have put in an appearance of a total whopping ten minutes, which is mostly in flashbacks.
The ending breaks the fourth wall, anyone unfamilliar with that term it simply means the character(s) is aware of the audience. The first time I had seen this done was in Michael Haneke's Funny Games. If you are still awake at this point you will hear a witty remark from Elga, the maid.
My Final Thoughts : All of these characters were such a gang of losers, we were not given anyone to care for, or root for, except for maybe the killer who was eliminating this sorry lot.

My Rating : 1 and a half Go Go Girls out of 5

Swarm- killer ants on a plane ( unrated edition )

Directed by George Mendeluk; Starring Jessalyn Gilsig, Antonio Sabata Jr. and Serge Houde

Swarm starts off promising enough with some nice cinematography of the Colombian jungle and it's habitat. But quickly spirals downhill with some constraint dialogue between a mother and her teen aged daughter as they make their way to the airport. Elsewhere, we are quickly introduced to another American visitor consulting a local doctor about digestive problems he has encountered after drinking a glass of water he believes to have been contaminated by the country's unclean lifestyle.
Meanwhile at the airport we meet the characters, this bare bones story will revolve around, there is the ass hole who has had one too many to drink at the airport's bar. There is the just engaged flight attendant, who gets hit on by the drunken ass hole, but is intervened by a tall dark stranger who turns out to be, no surprise here , an air marshall Ethan Hart. Add a lesbian couple travelling with a new born, a pair of newly weds where the bride has some soul searching to do and thousands of ants as the guest of honour. These critters have stowed away on board by smuggling inside one of the passengers . Once the plane is in the air it doesn't take long for the little buggers to emerge from the chest of the man who obviously should have taken the advice given from his doctor. Thousands of ants burrow their way out of a man's chest, creating a new orifice and not a single drop of blood to be seen and this was the unrated edition, sure as hell would hate to to see the PG version. No blood , no breasts, two deaths and no swearing unless you count " bull crap " as a naughty word. This waste of celluloid also lacked scares, suspense and tension, unless you consider close up shots of ants crawling along the wires of the plane's electrical system scary.The sound effects were greatly exaggerated making the ants sound more like an angry pack of beavers gnawing away at a California Red Wood. But mostly the ants were provided by C.G. I. that really wasn't very impressive.
The film was peppered with some poor acting and some of the worse displays of dialogue to enter these ear canals, the writing and direction didn't help much as we are not given any one to care for, even though there is a sub plot dealing with  how the plane is  refused to land, due to home land security issues. The main characters were all cliches and then amped up another one hundred degrees.The surfer type dude who became drunk at the airport bar and then demanded more drinks after he boarded the plane. Thankfully this ass hole eventually ended up dead , unfortunately it didn't look painful enough. Even his best bud just threw him back into the lavatory when the ants covered him. Good bye obnoxious ass hole. Then there is the newly weds, the beautiful bride and the selfish, cowardly husband who literally jumped up onto a seat  and whimpered like a little school girl when his wife's leg began to be covered in the ants. At one time this sad sack of shit wanted the captain to depressurize the cabin to kill the ants, not caring if it might kill the lesbians little baby, "It's all about survival of the fittest" he explained. I was really surprised this ass hole wasn't killed off too. Remember the mother and her teen aged daughter ? Holy co-incidence  Batman ,  the mother, Carrie Ross is an entomologist. The only reason to have an entomologist on board  is that the writers were lazy and  the character can explain the scientific information about the ants such as these are bullet ants who are mutating into some kind of super ant blah, blah, blah. Of course she is a widow, five years now, and the daughter is playing match maker. Enter one Ethan Hart,( Sabato Jr. ) air Marshal and a bachelor. In one , but not the only embarrassing moment , Ross and Hart have a romantic interlude as the plane is full of killer ants and the plane is leaking fuel with only minutes to spare to fix that fuel leak. Wow , talk about your priorities. Eventually the fuel leak is repaired and the couple even find time to neutralize the queen ant. The plane can now land at a test runway that the co-pilot remembers training at, he has been in control since the captain was attacked by the killer ants, amazingly he survives. See, it pays not to be an ass hole.
Mean while back on the ground government officials are contemplating the fate of flight 603, the director of homeland security wants the plane and the passengers on board destroyed, one person who is against this decision makes a quick phone call to her reporter friend. When the news team arrives , soldiers waiting for the passengers to disembark from the plane are now ordered to put their weapons away. Why wouldn't the government just order fighter jets  up to blow that sucker out of the sky if they really wanted it destroyed ? With all of the passengers safely out of the plane Dr. Ross reaches into Hart's carry on and pulls out a flare gun firing it into the spilled  fuel that is now spilling onto the tarmac. The plane explodes, ending the danger of the killer ants populating U.S. soil. The passengers will need to be quarantined, but over all it's quite the happy ending, the mother and daughter becoming closer in the face of danger, a newly married wife discovering the true personality of her husband, the engaged flight attendant who will still get the chance to walk down the aisle, yada, yada yada, the daughter is  given a puppy that was found in the luggage section  for Pete's sake. She is even going to name him Lucky, which pretty well sums up most of the passengers and their flight from Columbia. But not the viewers.
Just when I thought this couldn't get any  better (there is a hint of sarcasm here ) the camera looms into the wreckage to reveal an ending like no other I have seen before ( more sarcasm ). Oh the horror of it all, the Queen ant , she lives.
My Final Thoughts: This comes across like a made for television  movie, it even has the fade to blacks to conveniently fit in an advertisement for your favourite snack food. Actually this would probably go over better shown on television, this way you could stay and watch the commercials and fix a snack or go for a piss when this celluloid after birth is playing. This makes Snakes on a Plane look like Citizen Kane.
My Rating : 1 Go Go Girl out of 5

Taxidermia

Directed by Gyorgy Palfi; Starring Csaba Czene, Gergely Trocsanyi, Marc Bischoff, Istvan Gyuricza, Piroska Molnair

This is a strange but fascinating story about three generations of men that unfolds in the most ugly , repulsive manner possible, but told in a visually striking style. Sprinkled with many unsettling images that will stick with you for quite some time.
The lives of the three men act as an allegory for the political changes of Hungary throughout it's history,where it was set and produced. Personally I'm not up on my Hungarian history, but after doing a little homework I could see that was possible. Although personally this is not what I took away from the film , but more on that later. The film is beautifully photographed but littered with repulsive images as the three generations of men are shown to represent three of the seven sins. Lust, glutton and sloth.
Morosgovanyi, a soldier living in a state of squalor is also dealing with a domineering military officer, this could be seen as the invasion of Hungary by the Nazis in 1944. As Morosgovanyi's dominant other dines , drinks and makes merry, Morosgovanyi lives his life in poverty and has a long list of chores that must be completed each day. Morosgovanyi has the misfortune to be born with a hair lip ( although characters don't mention this fact in the film )a trait the Nazis wouldn't take a liking to , considering they would eliminate anyone who wasn't physically flawless, in building their perfect race.
Morogovanyi fantasizes ( masturbates ) a lot,  dreaming of  sex with the two young women who happen to be the commanding officer's daughters. At one time he even had a run in with an angry rooster who had pecked him while having sex with a knot hole when watching the two young women frolicking outside his shack. A gorgeous moment of  the use of C.G.I turns ugly when Morogovanyi opens a pop up book of Charles Dickens' The Little Match Girl and a Dickens like village blossoms from the pages. Morogovanyi emerges from a paper door and descends a flight of paper stairs , to sit beside the little match girl, a beautiful scene that turns ugly when pedophilia is hinted at. After a night of passion with his commanding officer's fat, unattractive wife, Morogovanyi sires a son which he'll never see. There are a couple of gratuitous glimpses of genitalia, but believe me it's not the least bit titillating. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Morogovanyi shoots fire out of his penis.
The second part deals with the story of Kalman who was born with a very unusual birth defect. which is quickly done away with. Kalman grows up to become a champion speed eater and becomes a hero to his country even though the International Olympic Committee refuses to recognize the sport officially. This is where some of the grossest images presents themselves as these so called athletes must purge their stomachs as showers of vomit flow freely between bouts. It is at one of these events that Kalman meets his future wife Gizella. Kalman eventually grooms her to become a speed eater as well  and the two will grow to celebrity like status even performing in front of royalty. Kalman and Gizella give birth to a son, Lajos who is the runt of the maternity ward and a disappointment to his parents. Kalman has grown grossly obese over the years and is confined to a chair in his apartment. Gizella has found wealth in America as a speed eating coach. Lajos, a scrawny  build of a man comes by his father's apartment each day to care for him and his giant cats his father is creating for the compensation of siring such a weak offspring. Lajos makes a living as a taxidermist and is given a very strange object to preserve for his final customer.  Being the shy, introverted type that he is, Lajos has trouble asking the checkout girl at the local super market for a date. He realizes he will spend the rest of his life alone, unmarried, and childless. With a very unusual method, Lajos plans to immortalize himself.
What this viewer took away from Taxidermia is the fact that we all want to leave our mark on the world some how, any  way that is possible. Not all of us will be fortunate to become film, television or sport celebrities, so the next best thing is pursuing those dreams through our children. Or perhaps better yet, one may become preserved like a great piece of art, timeless throughout history.
My Final Thought: Taxidermia may be a little short on the plot side of things, but those images are so compelling. You will not forget this movie.
My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Directed by Steven R. Monroe
Starring Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson, Andrew Howard, Daniel Franzese, Rodney Eastman, Chad Lindberg,Tracey Walter

I almost let this one slip me by, I've seen the original 1978 version many moons ago directed by Meir Zarchi and thought to myself what  could a remake  possibly have to offer that the original hadn't already stated. How different could it really be ? I know that the main character Jennifer Hills ( Butler ) will be brutally raped, demoralized and degraded and then seek  revenge on her attackers, blah, blah ,blah... What I wasn't prepared for was the gut wrenching performances by the entire cast. There was not one single actor that was misplaced, the entire cast gave strong and realistic interpretations  of their character. A special nod must go to Butler for her brave performance who had to bare more than just her soul in her role of Jennifer Hills, a writer who rents a secluded cabin in the woods to work on her latest novel.This setting isolates her from the outside world , where her only way of communication is with her Blackberry that eventually goes for a crap. Doors banging in the wind and other noises heighten the tension of Jennifer's  paranoia as she realizes she isn't alone any longer. Confronted by the men working at the local service station where Jennifer had gassed up.(An interesting side note , the gas pump read $19.78 on the meter, a little nod from director Monroe to the original film. ) Having turned down his advances and being embarrassed by Jennifer,  Johnny is determined to prove his manliness to his friends. Which brings us back to the cabin where Johnny, Stanley and Andy coerce the mentally challenged handy man Matthew into raping Jennifer. Having finally escape her tormentors Jennifer flees into the surrounding forest where she literally runs into the sheriff and  Earl the man she rented the cabin from,  the pair are out hunting.Earl is ordered to return home as the sheriff  takes Jennifer back to the cabin to investigate. Jennifer's ordeal is not quite over yet.
This movie lies heavily on the strength of the young Sarah Butler's shoulders, and she is up to the task as she delivers a very convincing performance that could leave one emotionally drained if you allow yourself to.  But really,with acting and direction this good, how could you not?

My Final Thought: O.K. Hollywood if you must turn out remakes for the new generation of horror lovers do like what was done here. Choose a little obscure, controversial and minuscule budget of a film and leave our beloved classics alone. This is how remakes should be done .
My Rating: 3.5 Go Go Girls out of 5

The Embodiment of Evil

Directed by Jose Mojica Marins;Starring Jose Mojica Marins, Jece Valado, Milhem Cortaz, Adriano Stuart, Rui Rezende, Cristina Ache Helene Ignez.

The Embodiment of Evil is the third installment of a trilogy that began way back in 1964 with " At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul" followed by " This Night I'll Possess Your Corpse" in 1967. Jose Mojica Marins alter ego is Ze`do Caixao, translated in English it reads Joe of the coffin or as it has become better known as Coffin Joe. Other than Marins there is no horror industry in Brazil his native country. According to Marins, the character of Coffin Joe came to him during a dream after proclaiming he had seen a dead man rise from his casket at a funeral he was attending as a child. Coffin Joe is a man of loose or no morals, being from a dominant Catholic country many of his films deal with very taboo subject matter, his films are not just censored but out and out banned in Brazil.
Coffin Joe's trade marks are his long cork screw like finger nails, beard, top hat and cape. The main idea behind the Coffin Joe films is basically his search of a woman who is worthy enough to bear him the perfect child so his legacy may continue.
Marins a director, adopted the Coffin Joe persona when a suitable actor for the part could not be found.
After serving a forty year sentence, Coffin Joe is being released from the city's asylum with much contempt from the warden. Joe's faithful man servant Bruno is there to greet him back into civilization, but much of the outside world has changed since his incarceration. The streets of Sao Paulo are filled with junkies, prostitutes and the latest sounds of hip hop music.
Back home, Coffin Joe wastes no time returning to his evil ways, Bruno has four minions waiting to be accepted by Joe. But first they must prove their loyalty by pulling the trigger of a pistol as they hold it to their own heads. Pleased that the new recruits are willing to sacrifice themselves for him, Coffin Joe puts them to work.
Bringing the Coffin Joe character into the 21st century means the sex and violence is amped up, fans of the Saw and Hostel series will not be disappointed but the complicated torture devices are missing . Instead the likes of some strategically placed melted cheese and a rat are used to convey a nasty message. In the sequel, " This Night I'll Possess Your Corpse" Joe is dragged from out of his bed by some sort of demon and is taken to Hell, this segment is filmed in colour and is filled with many surrealistic images. In the Embodiment of Evil coffin Joe is haunted by the ghosts of his victims as seen from the first two films in the series. Interestingly these ghosts are filmed in black and white. This time Joe finds himself in Purgatory which he witnesses a display of unpleasantness.
One thing is for sure, this is never boring, a lot is happening within the plot including two officers of the law that are bound and determined to put an end to Coffin Joe's evil ways. One officer has lost an eye and the other's throat slashed from confronting Joe in the past. They eventually team up with a sadistic priest who enjoys jumper cables and a car battery clamped to his nipples.There is never a shortage of grotesque images such as the likes of a naked woman emerging from the insides of a pig carcass.

My Final Thoughts: The Coffin Joe Films to me have never been about the acting, but the images presented whether they be ugly , grotesque or occaisionally beautiful.
My Rating : 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

Martyrs

Directed by Pascal Laugier, Starring Mylene Jampanoi and Morjana Alaoui

This movie doesn't just hit you over the head once and stops, it bashes and continues to bash  to the point where you can't take it any longer. You can feel yourself tensing up into a little tiny  ball waiting for the slightest hint of relief that allows you to take one more breath of air, but in this film the relief seldom makes an appearance.
Lucie a young girl of eleven or so , bloodied and in obvious need of medical attention is shown running down an empty street, having fled from an abandoned building. After spending the last fifteen years at a home for girls she is prepared to seek her revenge against the people responsible for her kidnapping and torture she was put through.
Armed with a shotgun, Lucie (Jampanoi ) interrupts the breakfast of a family whom she believes the parents are responsible for the torment she has suffered all those years ago. Her friend Anna (Alaoui ) arrives shortly after to help clean up the bloody mess that follows. Soon Anna is having doubts regarding Lucie's past history.
The less you know about this film the greater your cinematic experience will be, you just don't watch Martyrs, you experience it. This is the type of film you either love it or hate it, just don't lump it into the so called torture porn flicks, which the Saw and Hostel films have been branded with. This has so much more going for it, giving insight into the mechanics of the human quest for knowledge, and the lengths one would go to obtain it.
My Thoughts: This is very strong subject matter, but the brave viewer who makes it to the last reel will be  justly rewarded.
My Rating: 5 Go Go Girls out of 5