I Sell the Dead

Directed by:Glenn McQuaid, Starring Dominic Monaghan, Larry Fassenden, Ron Perlman, Angus Scrimm

Here is another movie that seemed to have gone under the radar.An original, clever story that quickly faded away to allow more room for the never ending arrivals being cranked out from the remake machine.

I Sell the Dead is a smartly written story that blends both dark humor and the macabre in equal parts as it unfolds the tale of a young man sitting in a prison cell. Waiting for his turn to place his head into the chopping block.

This is just your average little period piece set in nineteenth century England involving grave robbers vampires,zombies and aliens. It's a quaint and charming film that will win you over with it's main characters, dark humour,and comedic situations the two protagonists finds themselves in. When we are first introduced to Willie Grimes (Fassenden)as he is being violently pushed towards a guillotine by the village executioner. A small audience gathers to watch and throw obscenities towards him. As poor Willie settles his neck onto it's final resting place , the blade comes crashing down and his head is seen to separate from it's body and falls into a blood stained wicker basket.The screen fills with a blood red colour,and the picture turns to a cartoon , much like that from a comic book. This effect is used throughout the film, the movie Creepshow also used this technique to begin a new story in it's anthology.I like it.

Father Duffy( Perlman) is seen walking down a long corridor, his destination, the prison cell at the end of the hall. Inside sits Arthur Blake(Monaghan), imprisoned for murder and grave robbing. Blake confesses to the grave robbing but not of murder. He insists that he and his partner Grimes were set up.

I Sell the Dead consists of for lack of a better word chapters, each chapter starts with Father Duffy and Blake conversing and then via flashbacks we are taken back to Blake's life of grave robbing. We see how Blake as a boy met Willie Grimes and how the young boy's first job almost became his last. The young Arthur Blake eventually proves his worth to Grimes and grows to be his business partner.

The two eventually find themselves working for Dr. Vernon Quint (Angus Scrimm) who is experimenting with corpses. Soon he wants more bodies and the fresher the better, he has the two by the short and curlies and will turn them over to the authorities if they do not oblige. Not wanting Quint to call on the police, the duo resorts to robbing bodies from wakes. With Quint behind them , Blake and Grimes move onto new adventures and discover the art of resurrection. They find a grave buried outside of the cemetary gates, which they found strange, but decide to unearth the occupant anyways. Opening the crate they discover the body donning a necklace of garlic and a wooden stake thrust ino her chest, which they remove. In a creepy scene the corpse struggles to get up on her legs,not unlike a newborn horse. Trying to stand, and taking a gasp of air again, she attacks as the two look on dumbfounded, struggling for their lives until the undead woman falls back onto to the stake. In a comedic fashion, Grimes pulls out and inserts, pulls out and inserts the stake several times bringing life and death back and forth to the vampire. Upon finding out certain customers are willing to pay ten times the amount for unusual corpes, our heroes decide this is the way to go for their future of grave robbing.

Finding a grave with the ground frozen above it, the curious pair digs this one up also. Unearthing a small casket and believing a child is inside, they remove their coats and cover the box to protect their hands from the coldness it emits. On the way into town to sell their wares, they are stopped by Cornelius Murphy, a member of the Murphy House, a rival gang of grave robbers. Grave robbing is a competitive business. He demands the occupant be handed over to him , Blake refuses, a struggle occurs and the contents of the box dissappears into a of blinding ray of light from the sky.

With cockney accents,dirt and grime covered skin and clothes,these characters look like they could have stepped out of the pages of a Dicken's novel. Ron Perlman is such a great character actor bringing his uniqueness to every role. It's no wonder Guillermo del Toro insisted Perlman star in Hellboy, or director McQuaid wait to commence filming so Perlman could finnish his prior committments. He has a strong screen presence and suits these period pieces well, one of my favourites is his performance of a hunchback in the film In the Name of the Rose. Larry Fassenden is usually found behind the camera as a director. I have never seen him act before but personally felt he held his own and definitely did not look out of place in the presence of the more seasoned pros here. He brought a whimsical feel to the character of Willie Grimes, with his chipped tooth and a silly grin.Dominic Monaghan is probably the best known here as he was seen by millions of people in The Lord of the Rings trilogy as Merry Brandybuck a hobbit and in the television serise Lost. As Arthur Blake, I think he was an excellent choice of casting in the role of the misguided youth .Monaghan and Fassenden compliments each other in the roles of the grave robbing duo. Angus Scrimm is a tall person, and in the Phantasm films he was known as The Tall Man, who had a menacing evil stare. Even today for a man of his age he adds a powerful presence to his characters and still remains intimidating. All the actors chewed a little scenery, but you could tell they were having fun in their roles.

There are flashbacks within flashbacks to tell the story of missisng crates that are believed to have washed up on the shores of a nearby island.Doctors believe the contents can help towards immortality. Grimes and Blake along with his newly acquired girlfriend Fanny,make the trek across the ocean for their fortunes.All does not go as planned,as members of the house of Murphy have reached the crates first and Grimes will be bitten by an occupant of one of the crates.

Director Glenn McQuaid first used the the characters Arthur Blake and Willie Grimes in a short film he had made earlier. He loved the characters that he created and wanted to see more of them. So he wrote this feature film and even has plans for a prequel I Sell the dead is an indie film, independant of any of the big studios financing. But the care and love that went into this project makes it look many times better than many Hollywood " A " films. This picture looks like it was fimed in the cemetaries and moors of England, but actually shot entirely in the state of New York. A great part on Staten Island, specifically an old fort. With the help of a fog machine the cemetaries look like they are located on England's moors. The pub that is frequented quite often for a quaff of ale by our heroes, The Fortune of War is actually a bar in the East Village of New York city and is still open for business.

I like the use of the camera's aperture to close and open a scene, this is an effect usually found on older , mostly silent era films. Nice touch, makes you believe you are watching an older film. One more thing that takes you back to the oldies is the title card at the end of the movie that reads A Good Cast is Worth Repeating. This was used in the 1932 production of Frankenstein.

Back at the prison cell, with Father Duffy taking in all the information he has heard from Blake's tales, the priest attacks . We now find out the priest's identity and his true intentions.

My Thoughts: I think this is an excellent mixture of humour and horror. The make up effects are very well done , not overly frightening but look good. There is a knife to the throat gag that looks convincingly real.The acting, a job well done. I also enjoyed the music by Jeff Grace, consistant throughout. Whether it was eerie or slightly comedic as like the film, the tone altered many times . My favourite being A What Which a happy go lucky sounding tune with whistling.

My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5 ( No nudity, I know, but this was just good old fashion fun.)

The Tomb of the Werewolf

The Tomb of the Werewolf
Directed by Fred Olen Ray, Starring ( more like an appearance of)Paul Naschy,and some porn actors.
This movie starts off promising enough with a buxom young woman tied to a tree as she is being fondled by another buxom woman.Thinking she will get on Satan's good side she summons the dark Lord, so she can sacrifice the bounded beauty to him. Her plan backfires and instead she is cursed to forever bathe in human blood , if not her body will show it's true age. Elizabeth Batharoy now needs her intended gift to the devil for her own purposes .This scene is a flashback to introduce Elizabeth Batharoy, a historically accurate countess who bathed in the blood of virgins to keep herself looking young.An unnecessary flashback as it does nothing to advance the plot.
A young television producer, his broadcaster girl friend and a young news team are offered an assignment to follow the inheritor of the Drasinsky castle to Europe. Richard Demitski the sole living ancestor to Waldemar Drasinsky proudly exclaims that he was born and raised in Massachusetts, but some how lacks that strong accent. Go figure.Richard is excited to have the news team at his newly acquired home where they are searching for a treasure hidden somewhere on the castle's ground, and the camera will be rolling when they do . Kind of like a reality TV show. This is all an excuse for the actors?( I use this term loosely)to get down and dirty in the various rooms of the castle. This is the first Naschy film that I have seen where he does not get a chance to play hide the salami, as a rule if there was any horizontal dancing to be done, he was the one to lead. Actually there is very little of Naschy to be seen here,a little of him when he is Waldemar Drasinsky heart broken by the death of his beloved wife at his own hands. Drasinsky suffers from the incurable curse of being a werewolf when the moon shines full. Naschy has played the role of Waldemar Drasinsky a total of eleven different times, obviously he loves the character and brings his own style and interpretation of a monster with a concious to the screen. I hav'nt seen all of these films but the ones that I have seen,Naschy's character earned my sympathy and pity. Unfortunately I didn't feel that towards him this time, even when Drasinsky took on the curse to save his wife.Ironically as a werewolf he ended up taking her life anyways, a tragic tale but still presented emotionally empty. I believe because of the little screen time we get to spend with him, there is no reason to care for his actions. Also when he is seen , it is merely to show him maiming and killing the locals of a nearby village. Mostly the fodder here are young women in dresses, carrying baskets. There may be some Freudian mumble jumble bullshit representing a sort of sexual innuendo to Little Red Riding Hood. But I really don't think the film makers were that smart. Considering the acting skills of the others ivolved,look like they belong in a porno flick, they were definitely hired for their physical assets. What we do get instead is some good old fashion lesbian love, kinky lesbian action, a bimbo and a jock like asshole tango,and other displays of female flesh.
Mr. Naschy in the entire movie interacts with only one of these characters making it look like two different films edited together. I think director Fred Olen Ray was'nt sure what he wanted when he set out to make this film. Parts of it wants to be a porno, while another part wants to be a horror. But fails on both accounts, not very horrific or titillating.Next time Fred, don't leave us hanging like that.

My Thoughts:Olen Ray will never be an Oscar winning director, but man he needs to get his shit together. I enjoy seeing skin in horror films , it should almost be mandatory. But when it looks like your horror film is anxious to quickly get the characters paired up, you better be willing to show us something. When things start to heat up a little , the old fade to black was put to use. I recommend watching Night of the Erotic Dead or Porno Holocaust instead.
One, one transformation scene in this film. It was done decent enough, but was over so quickly if you blinked or taking a piss you would have missed it ( this is one of those movies you would'nt bother to press pause for ). I think I saw one C.G.I effect used, and that believe it or not was to show gun smoke after a hunter had taken a shot at the werewolf. At least it did'nt overpower the rest of the film like so many Hollywood films have done. Hee Hee.

My Rating: 2.5 Go Go Girls out of 5. ( I would have given it less, but it had lesbians )

The Wolfman ( 2010 )

Directed by: Joe Johnston, Starring Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt

To be honest, I was prepared to rip this and director Joe Johnston and go ape shit, I'm not a big fan of remakes or improved coke. Give me the classic, thank you very much. If it's not broken, why fix it, especially the Wolfman. It's just a baby being the youngest of the famous Universal monster flicks, being concieved in 1941. The movie begins with the studio's logo filling the screen , imagine my surprise when it was the universal logo from the 1930's/ 40's and in beautiful black and white. I was getting in the mood for a good old fashioned horror film.

A very panic stricken and winded young man who is obviously being chased is the opening scene for The Wolfman. Under the light illuminating from a full moon the young man is brutally attacked and killed by some sort of monster.
When we are introduced to Lawrence Talbot ( Del Toro ) he is performing a scene from Shakespeare's play Hamlet. He is in London for a broadway engagement,when he receives a visit from his brother's fiancee Gwen ( Blunt ).She pleads him to come home to help locate his brother Ben who has gone missing.There has been mysterious deaths at the hands of some sort of beast and she is concerned for Ben's safety.
Travelling to Blackmoor ( his childhood town )Lawrence shares his train compartment with an elderly gentleman.After finding out Lawrence's destination the old fart offers his silver tipped walking stick to him. Does he know something that we don't? Lawrence refuses the gift but ends up with it anyways when the old coot leaves it behind and quickly disappears.
With his arrival to Blackmoor,he is greeted by his father John Talbot ( Hopkins ) Lawrence learns of the death of his brother Ben and is now determined to find who or what has killed his brother. He visits a gypsy camp after discovering Ben was dealing with them. A group of men are also at the camp determined that the gypsies are behind the killings and want to confiscate their dancing bear. When out of no where the camp is visciously attacked, the camera does not shy away. The gore and special effects look quite impressive as limbs, fingers and other body parts go missing.Lawrence is also a victim of the beast, suffering from a wound which an old gypsy woman tends to and then leaves him to his fate. Lawrence is now cursed to live the rest of his life as a werewolf.
The Wolfman takes place in 1891, Victorian England. The wardrobe, settings, and buildings all look authentic. The overall look of the film is beautiful, the scenery is visually stunning . Talbot Hall sits among the English country side and looks magnificent. All the sets are majestic and built in a grand style not seen since Universal horror pictures of the 1930's. The illusion was one of creating great heights, and it also works here.Staircases, auditoriums, castles and laboratories all look massive.
Director Joe Johnston,I believe did an excellent job in updating the telling of a beloved classic. I was concerned when it was announced he would be taking over the helm of The Wolfman's ship. I was not impressed with Jumanji and lost interest in it quickly, the CGI effects also turned me off. Jurassic Park III although fared better, I still wasn't convinced if Mr. Johnston was capable of such an undertaking. Except for the lack of the pentagram, the film makers have been faithful to the lore established by the original 1941 script written by Curt Siodmak.
The use of transitions, dissolves and time lapse photography were all used to great effect by the director. I liked the way the poem from the original movie was incorporated into this one "Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright." We see a carving of the verse and a full moon on a tombstone as it is being read, the marble moon dissolves into the real one, a nice touch.
Benecio Del Toro as Lawrence Talbot brought the character to life. Lon Chaney Jr. will always be the Wolfman in my books, but his acting can be a little wooden.Del Toro brought pity and apathy to his character. You cannot help , but feel sorry for the shitty hand of fate that has been dealt to him. Fate has a funny way of altering your life and you can almost see Talbot asking himself," What if ?..What if ?.." I know some people who thought Del Toro looked bored in this picture, I personally think it's his look of big ,dark eyes and heavy eyelids which suited this character . Lawrence has been weighed down with some excess baggage, he has issues with his father, who sent him to an insane asylum. Believes his mother committed suicide when he was a boy.Talbot has inner demons to battle with, and to top it all off,he now has the full moon fever to deal with.
Anthony Hopkins has been playing the part of the antagonist in his last couple of roles ( Hannibal the Cannibal) being the most famous. Being the actor that he is , he could probably play this part in his sleep, but he still gives a fine performance and gives the character of John Talbot an aura of mystery.
I don't want to down play Emily Blunt's efforts as the distressed fiancee, but I feel this character could have been handled by any number of fine actresses.
Also worth mentioning the use of fog and rolling mists was present to such an extent , it could be considered a minor character. Hugo Weaving appears as inspector Abberline from Scotland Yard.Johnny Depp played the same character in the film From Hell, I suggest you check that one out as well.
The first transformation scene of Talbot to wolf reminded me very much of the one from An American Werewolf in London.Again Rick Baker's make up.Down on his haunches, you can almost feel the pain Talbot experiences as we hear cartilage and bone creaking and cracking as they break to take on their new shape. Once transformed Talbot shows no mercy, throats are ripped open,limbs and heads are lopped off by his powerful claws. Back to his human form, Talbot is captured and returned to his childhood nightmare, Lambeth asylum. Strapped to a chair and lowered into ice water, electrocuted and other types of treatment ( read torture ) is endured by Talbot in this hell hole. His father has come to pay him a visit, together with Lawrence we discover the skeletons that his father has been hiding in his closet. Adding a new twist to the retelling of this classic.Danny Elfman whose scores are usually sounding whimsical in Tim Burton's productions but sounding ominous here gives a superb performance enhancing the action sequences and the overall tone of the film. also heightening the jump scares, which there are many. Elfman plays hommage to Coppola's Dracula score here.
A favorite scene of mine happens when Inspector Abberline believes Talbot to be hiding inside an antique shop. As he is searching the store he sees a pair of legs behind a full length mirror,believing Talbot is behind the piece of furniture. We can see the inspector's reflecting image as he shoots out the glass. With the broken shards falling to the floor we see a statue of a devil standing there. Is this an omen of what is to come?
The final confrontation between father and son is one of viscious brutality as the two clash head to head. Gwen who has seeked help from the old gypsy woman now knows what to do to put an end to Lawrence's dreaded curse.The Inspector watches from a distant as he ponders his own fate, he has also been bitten by Talbot
My Thought:You know that feeling you get when your wife wants to drag you to her office Christmas party and you don't want to go because it's going to be boring, stupid and you don't know anyone, but you end up going anyways. Then it turns out you have a better time than you should, that's how I felt about this movie.
My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5 ( would of been more, but we only got to see a bare back and a small glimpse of boob ).

The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Women

A.K.A. Werewolf Shadow

Waldemar Drasinsky is brought back to life when Doctors performing an autopsy removes the silver bullets from his chest to prove that the local superstitions regarding werewolves are nonsense. They are wrong and pay for it with their lives. Waldemar relocates to an abandoned castle in France with his sister Elizabeth who has her own issues. He is hoping to find a lost crucifix that can save his soul.
While studying Castle ruins and tombs, two young women are stranded and invited to stay at Drasinsky's castle. Love blossoms between one of the women and Waldemar as together the three of them locate the missing tomb holding the special cross that can put an end to Drasinsky's curse.
Removing the crucifix from the occupant of the tomb, one young woman cuts her arm and blood flows into the corpse's skull, reviving Wandessa the vampire. A scene very similar to one from Bava's classic Black Sunday.
This film is dripping with atmosphere from it's decrepit castles, tombs and ruins to chains swaying in the hallways and mists filling the corridors.The castles's setting with it's lack of electricity and the dream-like movement of the vampires add a gothic feeling to the film's tone.
Naschy does a fairly decent acting job here, he really isn't the best actor to be seen in front of a camera. But he truly does enjoy the genre and it shows. He does bring sympathy to the Waldemar Drasinsky character who only wishes to bring an end to his life cursed as a werewolf.
My Thoughts:I would recommend this film to anyone who is interested in watching An Euro-horror film or wanting to discover Paul Naschy. He has played the character of Waldemar Drasinsky a total of eleven times,writing most of the screen plays himself. He truly is an impotant part of the horror film industry, sadly he was taken from us last November at age seventy five.

My Rating: 3 Go Go Girls out of 5 >

WitchFinder General

Directed by Michael Reeves

Starring Vincent Price, Ian Olgivy, Hilary Dwyer

The year is 1645 and England is in the middle of a civil war. Matthew Hopkins ( Price ) has been fighting his own battles against the Devil's army, witches.

When we first see Hopkins, he and his masochistic assistant John Stearne are on horseback amid a field of sheep, watching and enjoying the sight of villagers preparing to hang the latest of Hopkin's so called witches. He is a self declared witch hunter. These two men are truly wolves among sheep.

Richard Marshall ( Olgivy ) rides into the village of Brandeston on leave from the army to see his future bride Sarah, as soon as her uncle , the local priest gives them his blessing. As Richard is returning to his military duties he passes Hopkins and Stearne riding into Brandeston. They have been hired to deal with a priest that has been accused doing the Devil's bidding. Unknown to Richard, the priest in question is Sarah's uncle.

Matthew Hopkins is truly a loathsome son of a bitch,and will stop at nothing to get his way. Whether it is beating confessions out of the accused witches , or tricking Sarah into having sexual relationships with him. He tells her that her uncle's life will be spared , and will only have him locked in prison, if...

Vincent Price plays it straight here, having hammed it up in most of his other roles. He is quite convincing in this part. Other than the fact, historically Hopkins was much younger.

Director Michael Reeves wanted Donald Pleasance for the role of Matthew Hopkins, but WitchFinder General being an A.I.P. picture wanted their star Price who was under contract to star.This caused a lot of friction between the director and the star. The tension created probably contributed to the evil persona of Price's performance as Hopkins. This is IMHO his most intense role and he does have quite a few on his resume.

Witchfinder General being only the third film for director Michael Reeves, She Devil and The Sorceres being the other two . A brilliant career ending when Reeves at the age of twenty six took his own life.

My Thoughts: This is an amazing picture, the acting is stupendous, directing is spot on, there is beautiful scenes of England's country side. Many people getting too close to the campfire as many bodies are burnt at the stake,( bring the marshmallows).

My Rating: 4 Go Go Girls out of 5

Bad Biology

You know the movie you're watching is not a candidate for prime time television when the first thing the main character says is " I was born with seven clits" and then seen picking up some scumbag at the local pool hall, has unprotected sex ( she prefers it that way ). After the dirty deed is done, she bashes his head into a bloody pulp on the floor.Minutes later she gives birth to the scumbag's offspring, which has some fucked up deformalities.
Welcome back Mr. Henenlotter,king of the low budget classicks such as Basket Case, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker. It's been almost twenty years since his last movie, and with Bad Biology it looks like he is making up for some lost time.
Jennifer is a slut , make that a mutant slut. Her body accelerated at an alarming rate, she started menstruating at age five, could give herslf multiple orgasms at age eight. But if anything , she is a monster, with a hyper sensitive sex organ which can put her on an emotional roller coaster. She takes many things to heart, so seriously that many men pay for it with their lives. Geesh, guys she only wants to have a normal relationship and be happy. But that relationship she craves is one with God?

God is apparently the only one to fulfil her sexual appetite, being hyper sexual, a normal man cannot please her. And that's when Batz is introduced, the poor bastard during the cutting of his umbilical cord, his manhood was accidently cut off, don't worry the doctor's were able to sew it back on ,but he was told to take steroids to help it's progress.Only now it's the size of a baseball bat. His one eye trouser snake has a mind of it's own and is beginning to ignore it's owner. In one of the many outrages scenes ,his pocket rocket detaches from Batz (Does any one remember the song Detachable Penis, by King Missle?)and goes on a sex rampage, raping an assortment of women in various stages of undress.Bursting through drywall and plaster walls until the little bugger has his way with them.
This is not the type of movie you watch for the acting performances, most of the actors are adequate and do a fairly decent job. No, you watch a Frank Henenlotter movie for the outrageous story lines,off beat characters and crazy ass special effects. This film maker still uses stop motion photography, bless his soul.

My Thoughts: I hope Mr. Henenlotter does't wait another twenty years before he has his next movie in the can. His films always brings a smile to my face.

my Rating: 4.5 Go Go Girls out of 5

Splice

Splice Directed by Vincenzo Natali, starring Adrian Brody, Sarah Polley

I could'nt watch this movie without thinking of Frankenstein or the Bride of Frankenstein. The two main characters are named Clive and Elsa after the actors who portrayed Dr. Frankenstein ( Colin Clive) and The Bride ( Elsa Lanchester). Clive and Elsa are genetic scientists who are very much in love with their work and each other. But Elsa insists she's not ready for a baby of their own quite yet.
The two researchers are in the middle of an important experiment that could better mankind, when they get sidetracked by their own curiosity of bringing a hybrid creation of bird, reptile, fish and human to term in their mechanical womb.
Elsa immediately becomes a mother like figure to Dren as the hybrid creature is affectionately named. Clive on the other hand, being the professional scientist , considering the ethics involved wants to terminate the experiment.

Dren is a fast learner, and her body is aging at an accelerated speed. The researchers decide to study her, since they believe she will die shortly of old age anyways.

Things change for the worse, when Dren becomes violent and attacks Elsa. Fearing for her life Elsa maims Dren by removing her defensive weapon from her tail. Clive now on the other side of the coin is becoming attracted to the test tube babe. After putting a record on the turntable and inviting Dren to dance with him. This scene also reminded me of the part from Bride of Frankenstein when the monster hears the music of the blind beggers violin for the first time.

Things turn awkward for everyone involved when Clive becomes "Too Close" to their offspring.
The two lead actors bring credibility to this other wise low budget film. But the acting of Adrian Brody( King Kong) and Sarah Polley ( Zach Snider's Dawn of the Dead)is right on and very convincing for the situation they bring onto themselves.

The film basically consists of three settings to tell this modernization of the Frankenstein story. The laboratory, an interior of a barn and the couples apartment. But all is used to good effect, I beleive the budget was around twenty million dollars if I remember correctly. That is big money for a Canadian production, but is peanuts for a Hollywood production. But it dosn't matter , it looks nice and polished, low budget or not.

I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who has'nt seen Splice , but as we all know , you don't want to fuck with Mother nature.

My thoughts: This was a very entertaining movie with a simple story of two people playing God. The acting is top notch by all involved. The special effects was done quite well and didn't take me out of the world Director Vincenzo Natali was trying to create.There were many scenes of the struggle with ethics and moral issues between the two main characters. There was one WTF moments when Clive decides to do the old in/out with Dren.

My Rating : 3.5 Go Go Girls oout of 5