The Order

Directed by Brian Helgeland
Starring: Heath Ledger,Shannon Sossamon,Mark Addy,Benno Furman,Peter Weller


To be honest with you guys, I never did give much attention to Heath Ledger. That is until his brilliant performance as the Joker. In this film he faces a dark knight of a different sort. Director Helgeland who also directed A Knight's Tale  brings half the cast from that film with him to make this one.Ledger portrays Alex, a young Priest torn between his work for God and his love for a woman ( Sossamon ) an ex mental patient. Alex is sent to Rome to investigate the mysterious death of his mentor, where he confronts a sin eater. Sin eaters are immortal priests gone astray who can consume the sins of the dying. With their sins eaten they can get absolution before they die. Or something like that. This starts off a little slow until Robocop shows up with a  religious artifact to destroy the sin eater. Peter Weller plays Driscoll, a chain smoking priest in possession of  the mysterious dagger.
Ledger as the confused young Priest plays the part  convincingly, lusting for a female yet devoted his life to the church. The addition of Addy makes for some welcome moments of comic relief  but doesn't last long as his character Father Thomas' life is endangered many times. Furman as the Sin Eater plays the part cool and confident and comes across less evil than we are first intended to believe. Alex even surrenders the dagger that is supposed to destroy the sin eater over to him. But the sin eater has bigger plans intended for Alex, even bigger than his death.
There are plenty of dark and daunting interior images of churches that could  even creep out the most  profane. Other images high on the creep factor include a pair of children who are actually demon spawn. The basement of a techno dance club literally could be the fiery bowels of hell with it's depravity of sins and torture in abundance.
I'm not quite sure if the funky optical effects belong in this film, but The Order does deserve to have a look see.
My Final Thoughts: This is definitely not the best of the man of the cloth fighting his inner demons movie, but Ledger's Alex makes for an interesting character.

My Rating: Two and a half Go Go Girls out of Five

The Bloodstained Shadow (1978)

Directed by Antonio Bido
Starring: Lino Capoliccio,Stefania Casini, Craig Hill
Strange murders begin to occur shortly after the local priest's brother Stefano( Capoicchio ) sporting one of the most hideous sweaters imaginable, even Bill Cosby wouldn't be caught dead in it. The two brother's reunion is cut  short  when Father Paolo (Hill ) witnesses a murder and mysterious notes begin to show up threatening him.
This is a giallo, therefore plenty of strange and eccentric characters show up as possible suspects as the murderer returns. In a pre credit scene a young woman is seen strangled in a meadow, sharp eyed viewers can catch a clue. There is an odd assortment of a medium, a doctor, a mid wife and a rich s.o.b.  with a fondness for young boys who make up the body count. Add to the mixture of this murder mystery a man child who enjoys the dismemberment and eye gouging of his dolls, a mysterious painting and a typewriter with a unique feature.
The acting and directing are decent enough, I can't really say the same for the dubbing as it was not up to par. Unfortunately the copy of DVD I watched did not offer an Italian language version with sub titles. There is plenty of P.O.V. ( point of view ) camera shots and interesting angles to consider this a film of the giallo sub genre. The use of the killer wearing black leather gloves is a requsite in the giallo genre but was obliterated here. The film's love interest was booooor ing as the two characters never seemed to click, even a nude love scene couldn't ignite a spark. The female under arm hair didn't help much either, I know it's the European way but please.
I always enjoy a good whodunit, unfortunately this wasn't one as I found some of the plot devices rather forced and stretched a bit thin in an attempt to make the story work. There was some tension created before the killings but the actual kills were not very thrilling, there was little gore except for a head roasting on an open fire. With no emotional connection to any of the characters I really couldn't give a rat's ass if they lived or died.

My Final Thought: The best thing about this film was the Goblin like soundtrack. If you don't know who they are, what are you waiting for? Go track some of their stuff down. I recommend the Suspiria, Tenebrae and the Dawn of the Dead sound tracks.
My Rating: 2 Go Go Girls out of Five.

Troll Hunter

Hans down,this is the best movie about hunting trolls

Directed by:Andre Ovredal
Starring: Otto Jespersen, Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Morck, Thomas Alf Larsen

Fairy Tales are not just for kids anymore, especially when there are trolls to deal with. What would you do if one of the world's oldest secrets is shared with you? Would you do what everyone else is doing these days, film it and put it on You Tube? It's not exactly what a trio of Norwegian college students do, but they do find themselves caught up in some Norwegian folk lore and they are only to happy to capture it all on film.
The trio of young film makers are planning to shoot a documentary on bear poaching that has been going on in the area, bear hunting is regulated by the government.  The small film crew which consists of Thomas who is the one in front of the camera and does the reporting,he is also the leader showing his enthusiasm for the project. Johanna is the sound girl and Kalle operates the camera. Believing they have found the poacher they follow him,hoping for an exclusive interview. What they discover to their horror and amazement instead is the stuff found in a child's nightmare. Straight out of a fairy tale the students face the awe inspiring sight of a Tosseldorf, a three headed troll .The C.G.I. effects used in the film are a spectacular sight and for this viewer did not diminish the enjoyment that other C.G.I. driven films can do. You will believe trolls do inhabit our world.The film builds suspense by using the sound of breaking tree trunks and limbs to signify the approaching Trolls. Along with the visual appearance of the tree tops swaying back and forth for the arrival for some kind of behemoth beast also adds to the suspense.
Turns out Hans (Jesperson ) the suspected  bear poacher is actually the titular character,convincingly portrayed by Jesperson. The only one of his kind, who was hired by the government to keep the Trolls from wandering out of their jurisdictions. Hans who was reluctant at first to even talk with the students agrees to allow the students to travel with him to document his work. He schools the trio and the audience on the different kinds of trolls, their habitats, eating habits and even shows us the effects a giant flash bulb will cause if a troll does step out of his boundary.
This could be considered the Blair Witch Project  from Norway, just swap out a witch for a troll, with it's hand held camera techniques but the over all look is one of a more polished product. The acting is nothing too special , but competent which adds to the realism of a supposed story of found footage. But the acting is decent enough not to remove the viewer from the story, but make you feel their fears and anxieties and on numerous occasions I needed to remind myself that it is just a movie and not a real documentary as seen on the Discovery channel. The film works because it takes itself seriously, there is dark humour sprinkled throughout but the over all tone is one of seriousness. One such scene brings memories of the fairy tale of the Three Billy Goats Gruff when three sheep are tied to a bridge for bait. Another scene involves a Muslim camera person brought into the group after Hans tells them Trolls can smell the blood of a Christian.
The college students consider Hans a hero for the work he does, but he seems ashamed towards his job, calling it dirty work. He also hates the long hours, lack of benefits and the paper work required after  the slaying of a troll.How about the power workers who have never questioned the power lines that just loop around without supplying power to anywhere, Hans knows  this acts like an electric fence to keep the trolls from wandering just like lost cattle. Hans knows the truth and now you will too.

My Final Thought: I found this to be a very entertaining film with memorable characters.The use of C.G.I. was inevitable considering the subject but looks respectful and not over killed.
My Rating: Four Go Go Girls out of Five

Dead Girl

This smells like teen spirit,first time loves, death and decay

Directed by: Marcel Sarmiento, Gadi Harel
Starring: Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Candice Accola, Jenny Spain

 I recall one day in my pre teen days my friends and I had sneaked into a secret fort built by the older teen aged boys in our neighbourhood. We had no idea of the activities that took place inside the walls that were off limits to us. But on that one specific summer day we had a hint of braveness or was it stupidity? We entered where we were forbidden, and to our astonished pre puberty eyes we discovered the holey grail  of any young boy, that's right, porn. A stack of magazines consisting of Playboys, Penthouse, Hustler and some we've never heard of before. I quickly stuffed my hungry eyes as full as I could, not knowing when the owners would return and trying to avoid the inevitable beating that would follow if caught. I don't know if my friends ever did go back but I know I never did. Yeah, I was afraid of the older boys but felt more intimidated by the female body than a good rough housing, although I was intrigued by those pictures. The two main characters of Dead Girl also stumble upon something that awakens their sexual appetite. Unlike the moldy smelling periodicals we found, these guys stumble onto the mother lode.
J.T. and Ricky are two seventeen year old boys, friends since child hood. They are the types who enjoy partying it up and don't take school very serious. Ricky (Fernandez ) has a crush on Joann ( Accola ) who just happens to be dating the quarterback of the football team. This set up makes way for a typical high school drama cliche, the jocks versus the stoners, other than this there is nothing else typical in this unconventional character study of first time love.
One day the two friends decide to skip classes and drink some beer instead, J.T. ( Segan ) insists on having their little party at the condemned mental hospital. After a couple of brewskies they find they need to smash some windows and cause havoc onto the abandoned building. J.T. recommends they go to the wing where the real dangerous patients were held. Fleeing to safety after being chased by a rapid guard dog, the boys discover a sealed door. Prying the locked door open the two AWOL students discover a naked, dead girl shackled to a gurney  by all four of her limbs.If you havn't seen this little hidden gem yet and want to avoid any spoilers I would suggest you stop reading now, go watch the film pronto and come back.
To Ricky's and the viewer's disgust, J.T. decides to use this poor girl as his sex toy, as it turns out this girl is actually alive, some sort of zombie who cannot be killed, for his amusement J.T. has tried numerous times to no avail. We all know how special and unforgettable the first time is, but J.T takes this obsession and possession of the girl ( Spain ) to the extreme, actually moving in and living among the stench of death and decay of the dead girl. J.T.'s world now consists of drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and having sex with this girl when ever he desires. He is the king of his own little world. His friend Ricky is also involved in his own little fantasy world as he dreams of having a relationship with Joann, something that just isn't going to happen.
The acting by all involved is quite convincing, delivering believable dialogues that audiences can relate to without the need for an urban dictionary. Ricky is the under dog who you want to cheer for and hope he wins the girl in the end, but J. T. just takes his obsession too far and is loathed for it.
Just like real life, the friendship of two long time friends is shattered when a girl comes between them, even when she is dead. Jenny Spain who plays the dead girl is magnificent, displaying a wide range of emotions with only the occasional growl. Her eyes saying everything that need to be said, showing anger and frustration to pity and shame when being violated by those who felt they needed to prove their masculinity.
The film makers do an excellent job of making the audience feel of disgust and an apathy towards the dead girl much like how The River's Edge also did. The Dead Girl had me thinking of this film as it shares some similarities, but is even more disturbing as it is based on true events. I highly recommend a viewing of that film also.
This is by no means a pornographic picture, there is however a naked girl shown throughout the film. If the sight of breasts and pubic hair offend you , I feel sorry for you. For those who won't be offended, you are in for quite the ride.
My Final Thought: There is a couple of cheap scare tactics used by the film makers, but over all this is a disturbing glimpse into the minds of our so called future.
My Rating: Four Go Go Girls Out of Five

Brainiac

Directed by : Chano Urueta
Starring : Abel Salazar, Ariadna Welter, David Silva


Wow, I'm not quite sure what to make of this one. Was I entertained? You bet ya, but with it's bizarre sleaziness perhaps a timid audience of 1961 may have found this to be more horrorfying, but I'm sure most viewers today would probably shrug it off as another black and white B movie. The lack of true scares, disturbing images, offending or gross out scenes would disappoint the modern horror viewer but still contained a gothic look that I appreciated. With it's weak attempts at dark humour like the dim witted police officer who recieves his order of calf brains after learning about victims having their brains sucked out of their skulls. There is probably more of the unintentional comedic moments, thanks to the lackluster script, sub par acting, direction and the not so special effects. The dialogue also contributes greatly to the over all comedic tone but to be fair the copy  of the DVD I watched was dubbed and contained no sub titles.
 The film begins in the 17th century where Baron Vitelius is being served a list as long as his arm of the various crimes he has committed including witchcraft. The Mexican Inquisition has sentenced him to be burned at the stake. It turns out this Baron is in possession of some incredible powers, he magically wills the shackles of the ball and chain from his own body  onto a pair of inquisitors, but then walks calmly to his own execution! As the flames closes in, the night sky brings forth a strange  looking and poorly animated comet. Baron Vitelius vows to return in three hundred years and have his revenge against the inquisitor's descendants. Flash forward to the swingin' sixties where we hook up with Ronnie and Vicky, a young couple who would rather hang out with a kooky astronomer then be  with their friends at a night club. It turns out that tonight is the night for that crappy animated comet's return. And with the comet back in Mexico we see the return of the Baron who can now transform into a freaky devilish looking creature with pincer like hands and a forked tongue. It's with this tongue that he will suck the brains of his victims from the back of their necks. And just in case of an emergency, he keeps extra brains locked in a cabinet, his secret stash .
So yeah if you are looking for some bizarre entertainment, try this one. But if you want to be truly scared witless you'll need to look elsewhere.

My Thoughts : As the DVD case states , this is a bizarre film.

My Rating : 3 Go Go Girls Out of  5

Beast of Blood ( 1971 )

Directed by Eddie Romero
Starring John Ashley, Celeste Yarnell, Eddie Garcia, Liza Belmonte, Beverly Miller


This is not a good movie in the sense of a good story, good acting, good dialogue, good lighting, dubbing, make up,etc... But I enjoyed it never the less, but for all the wrong reasons. This is another one of those films where it is so bad, it's good. The charm lies in the fact  the film makers may have had limited skills and talents but a heart full of passion and believed they were making an honest to God  quality product regardless of the low budget these film makers had to work with. Edward D. Wood's Plan Nine from Outer Space immediately comes to mind.
Eddie Romero, no relation to George as this movie easily testifies is the director of numerous Filipino horror films and cranks out yet another with this um interesting sequel to Mad Doctor of Blood Island. Which  I'm still debating whether I'll go out of my way to seek out, though maybe it will help clarify some of the things I just saw, then again probably not.
Professor Bill Foster (Ashley) is aboard an ocean liner, having just left Blood Island when the ship is attacked by the chloroform man.( Having not seen the first movie, I learned this from the DVD extras. I encourage all movie watchers to do the same as there is always some sort of cool insight to the films ) When the ship explodes , everyone is killed except for Foster who survives only to later return back to Blood Island. But this time he is accompanied by a good looking blond Myra ( Yarnell ) a photographer who takes pictures like she has never held a camera in her life before.  After having been greeted by a group of island natives Foster, Myra, the ship's captain ( Miller ) and the viewers wallow around through some dull moments until Myra is kidnapped by Dr. Lorca ( Garcia ) an evil scientist, I think it must have been mandatory at one time for every film with an uncharted island, to add an evil scientist. Lorca is conducting experiments of the most heineous kind. ( is there any other type ? ).
With Myra in the clutches of Dr. Lorca, actually it looks more like she was on vacation, having meals served to her, always nicely dressed in the latest fashions of the island she looked quite compfortable there.Foster , the captain and a hand full of natives set out for Myra's rescue, with Laida ( Belmonte ) as the guide. Leaving the small group behind Foster and Laida go on ahead alone,  the group is to bring back enforcment as they close in on Lorca's highly guarded , fortified compound. That night Laida reveals her feelings towards Foster and we get to see us some melons native to the island, but Foster puts the brakes on as he has feelings for Myra, this totally came out of left field as there was no indication , all they did was bickered among each other, oh well.
With the film now half over and no grusome gore in sight unless you count the chloroform man's decapitated head sitting in a bowl kept alive by various wires. Finally there it was in all it's washed out colour glory, Dr. Lorca removing the head from an unwilling donor. He was actually  lacking the skills of a surgeon,  more like a butcher hacking away at the flesh like it was the choice cut of the day.

As far as the acting goes this wasn't the greatest but this is a low budget movie and you do get what you pay for. The character of Myra is sort of an unnecessry character, having been kidnapped to lure Professor Foster to Dr. Lorca, hmm he knew Foster cared for Myra before the audience did, interesting. Lorca wanted Foster's help but apparently all he needed to do was ask. So basically Myra is just a love interest for Foster, but she does look scrumptious in those outfits.
So your'e probably asking yourself where did I find the enjoyment from this film? Well I had a blast  with everything I have already previously mentioned. Plus the nit picking of the technical mistakes such as guns and rifles being fired and then  hearing an extra shot on the sound track. You have to admire hand grenades being tossed at grass huts, landing and exploding outside yet the doors blow outwards. How about  people after being shot and fallen to the ground then having blood violently exit their bodies .What about the head in the bowl , one scene it is in it, the next scene the bowl is missing. I'm confident there are other scenes like these to be found, and that is why I'll be watching this again in the near future.

My Final Thought: I'm really starting to appreciate these low budget, so bad  they're good  type films. With a new can of worms opened it gives me plenty more films to watch.
My Rating: Three Go Go Girls out of Five

The Stink of Flesh ( 2005 )

Directed by: Scott Phillips
Starring: Kurly Tlapoyawa, Ross Kelley, Diva, Kristin Hansen

Once you get past the mediocre acting and the low budget this is a very entertaining film in a trashy, sick and twisted kind of way. If you enjoy zombie flicks as much as I do, and looking for something a little different then this just may be up your alley.
 Another apocalyptic world has been over taken by zombies, at least in the deserts of New Mexico anyway,we are introduced to Matool who prefers to do his zombie killing with a hammer and spikes. Fleeing from the latest attack, he is struck by a pickup. Waking from unconciousness he finds himself bound and in the box of the truck. Arriving at his abductor's house Matool  learns a young creepy boy has also been brought along, having been saved from the zombie attack. Nathan has brought Matool home for his wife Dexy. The pair lead an alternative life style, Dexy enjoys having sex with other men and Nathan likes to watch, and it's becoming more difficult to find people to bring home since the outbreak of the zombie virus. Seems the title has a bit of a double innuendo.
This film was shot on a micro budget, but with so many bizarre scenes scattered throughout you're not going to care. One such scene involves Matool getting it on with Dexy as her sisters Sassy and Dorothy ( think Duane and Belial from Basketcase ) sneak into the room and try to beat Matool's bare ass with a piece of Hot Wheels race track. And Nathan not to be outdone has his own little groove going on, out in the back shed he keeps a naked, hot looking zombie chick shackled up. But he says he just looks at her, yeah right. Things really start to heat up when a trio of military personell arrive and one of them has just been the main entree of a zombie buffet. Mean while that creepy kid wanders around the house and just quietly observes.
The zombie make up is borrowed from the style Savini applied to his walking dead consumerists in Romero's Dawn of the Dead. A blue coloured grease paint that some actors had unfortunately sweated off from certain areas of their bodies. There is plenty of gore, blood splattering,intestinal pulling and gut munching effects that would make larger  budgeted movies envious.
There  is plenty of dark humour peppered within but also many laugh out loud moments such as a scene at the breakfast table when Dexy is serving up the plates and she apologizes that there are no eggs, the zombies ate their chicken. Being a film about about an alternative life style the soundtrack contributes greatly, a nice mixture of alternative songs throughout, some reminding me of stuff you may hear in a Tarantino or Rodriguez film.
I highly recommend this film to anyone  who isn't too easily offended. There is a little nudity as expected given  the subject matter but nothing overly graphic. This movie even has Leatherface's niece Kristin Hansen in it, besides what other movie is going to have a character stop and take the time to analye zombie poop?

My Final Thought : Get out there and  watch this, you'll have fun.
My Rating:Four Go Go Girls Out of Five